^^Jan^^

2012-01-18T01:29:00.002+08:00

总决得好像在等着被判死刑
不知道从哪里说起。。。
只是知道我已经好累。。。
完全失去了笑容。。。
太多太多的事。。。不知道该怎样去面对。。。
好想逃避!
如果老天爷真的对我好的话,请你让它快点结束。。。
不让我领愿你夺走我的性命。。。

2012-01-16T01:09:00.002+08:00

It been a long time that I nv update my blog
Only got one word to describe my recent life
That is "terrible"
Curfew always the main cause of everything...
I really don want to have curfew but I don have the right to disobey
Coz is I'm the one who never give her the feeling of secure...
But the funny is I can't even find a person who able to give mi a secure...how to give others a sense of secure???

Working!Study!
Is this the life I want?
I can confirm that it's not!
If can go club...I rather I drink till I drunk and forget everything....
Who can understand the responsibility that I had?
The feeling of having curfew?
I need no one ba...
Friends keep on asking mi what happen...
But I just don want to tell them cox it's too complicated that they will not understand what kind of position that I'm in...

So much problems that troubles mi too!
Cant even settle my own problems yet another issue is coming up
Why cant give mi a break?
It's your own problem but when u must drag mi in...
You know how tong ku I am?
If really got this magic that will not let a person wake up forever after sleeping
I really want to try it!!!!!
I just simply too tired...
Tired till that I really want to rest forever...

Recently got this dream that make mi feel warm and secure!
A dream that I will remember forever!

Dream that after I saw a notice memo from a notice board
I can accept the fact and ran around like crazy to find a place to hid
And sisters managed to find mi from a dark corner
They bring towards a group of guys that holding guitar
One of the guy walk towards mi and told mi this:

"Do u know how worry I am?What if I can't find you?Why u must keep everything to yourself and suffer alone? I'm your boyfriend...seeing you in this state will just make mi feel more heart pain...Escaping is not the only solution.Please don't run away anymore.I will worry sick for you,feel lost and does not know where to find you.U are not alone.You have mi and your beloved sisters there for u."

After hearing this...My heart feel warm and secured.
I know is dramatic.
But if really there's a person told mi these
My heart will melt...
But I know it's impossible de...
In this world,it's impossible that a guy will loved his gf that have the same skin as mi.
So stop dreaming and come back to real world ba!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-30T20:11:00.002+08:00

All u know was how to control mi
But so u know the feeling of being control?
I know that I had disappoint you...But when are u keep on mentioning those things
The control that u gave is above my limit
A limit that I cant take it
Can you be more reasonable a bit
I know the feeling u having now...that's the reason why I don want to let u know in first place
First u force mi to quit Kbox, a job that I really loved a lot
But I cant just tell them I want to quit now...
I just join them less than 2 months...And u want mi to tell them I want to quit
It's impossible! Why cant u spare a thought for others as well

And what's now?
Just a simple dinner with my sisters at CWP
U still don let mi go?
I'm 20 this yrs...I'm not a 3 yrs old kid
What I need was a personal space with my friends
And why u cant give mi that?
All u know was to control control control
Then how about mi?
I want freedom!
Just a simple freedom...U cant give mi?

The way u control mi will just forcing mi to dead end u know?
If it's really continue throughout a yrs...
I will just simply find my grandparents and leave everything a side....

2011-12-26T15:54:00.002+08:00

一夜之间好多事情发生。。。我该怎么办才好？
我想哭哦！

2011-12-15T00:47:00.002+08:00

Finally my exam is over!
I'm so happy:)
Spending months and weeks to study...I really hope I can do well...
After Exam meet up with Selene and had a bit of chitchat...
What make mi think that iit's funny because
the first that Selene saw mi was to ask mi "why happen to my eyes"
Hahahas
Don be misunderstood by what Selene sae
Coz she referring to my dark eyes circle
Hahahas
So Now I'm going to do my facial treatment at home:)

But a few min I really doubt myself
I feel happy?Am I really have that feeling?
After know the way my buddy think of mi...I felt so disappointed
We have been buddy so many years and he thinks that I'm so called a unreasonable person?
WTH!
U can just tell mi that u have went for movie...
No need to lie to mi...and the reason behind was u thinks that
I'm a unreasonable person that don not know the limit of joking?
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And when I ask u...U just tell mi that u want to save...
I hate people lying to mi...and the worse thing is from our people mouth den I know
It's like I'm a idiot that was being fool by people！
I think u don even know that I knew everything and was angry with u...
If in the first place U don even trust mi and think that I'm those kind of people...
Why in the first place be buddy with mi....
And I tolerate all the attitude u given to mi and this is what I get
"A UNREASONABLE PERSON"
Fine!

From now on...
I will not care abt u anymore!

2011-12-12T00:40:00.002+08:00

心情好浮渣
后天就是考试了，压力好大
可是脑海里浮现的印象不止是我所读的东西，还有这几天发生的事
令我心情超不好的
我甚至问我自己这个问题：
“我所谓的兄弟到底是什么？”

你大可可以告诉我你已经看了这部电影
可是为什么要骗我说你要省钱，所以不想看。。。
我问我自己，是不是我做错了什么。。。
为什么总感觉我周围的朋友都在避开我。。。
还是我是注定要一个人。。。？
我并不知道。。。
是我疑心病重，还是我多想了。。。
我现在能真正的体会到姐妹们的感受了。。。
被多年的朋友篇，原来是多么的痛与难受。。。
还是因为小时候作太多坏的事，所以现在受到惩罚？
我不知道。。。
我只知道我好难受，暂时不想和你讲话。。。

为什么老是觉得从小到达没有人喜欢过我？
小时候，有阿公和奶奶在，所以不会感到孤单与寂寞
当他们离开我的时候，我好像从天堂掉进地狱
好难接受他们不会永远在我身边陪伴我与支持我。。。让我觉得好辛苦
喜欢一个男人，可是他却不喜欢我
所有的朋友有讨厌我。。。
阿公和奶奶又离开我。。。
而我又不想让妈咪和阿姨知道我的伤心与痛苦

我是注定没有人要的女孩。。。
一个只能活在黑暗的世界里
没有月光的照射。。。一个人徘徊在黑黑的森林里
而我有那么怕寂寞，怕黑的人
我要怎样还能活下去能？

2011-12-03T22:24:00.002+08:00

Just feel like blogging
Exam is in 11days time
I'm so worried abt my exam
Been sick for almost a week
Flu,Fever,headache,dizzy,vomit,sore-throat...
All of them come and visit mi
Thanks to that...I was unable to eat a lot of things...

During my sick period...
My mind been flashing a lot of things&situations
How to said...
I've been asking myself a lot of things...
What kind of person I am...
Why do I exist in this world...
Why up till now I still do not have a bf yet my friends had
A person like mi...does it suit to have friends around mi
Why I need to suffer from enzyme...
Why my family end up like this
What kind of person I'm going to be in future...
And etc

Yet...I still unable to find an answers to it
All these questions have be in my heart for years...
Yet i still unable to find the answers
This shown that I'm a failure...
I once that there's the word "possible"
But till now...Should I believe that word?
I really don know..
Perhaps there is..but will not happen in my life...

In this period...
I actually see a lot of things
People might find that it's immature and childish
But I can see how family worried about mi
Yet I don have the dare to say it in front of them...

Another thing is I found that how immature I am
The moment I said out all my unhappiness about my friend
I actually saying the same thing to myself....
Coz I believe my friends also face the same things on mi too
But all this while I was too scared to admin
So what's the saying that...It will just create a crack in my friendship

Actually a person like mi
Don really deserve all the goods things
Like friends,family and everything
Why should I?

Is it because of all the mind set
that lead to mi have no bf?
I actually don dare to tell my mum how worse her daughter is...
Yet she still stress mi and hope that I will find a bf for myself...
Sometime I really doubt my own feeling?my own self？
Yet there's nothing I can do but to accept it...

No wonder a lot people said
人们最弱的时候是生病的时候
可是人最想得通的时候也是在生病的时候

2011-11-28T22:59:00.003+08:00

All these while...I've been trying hard not to think of u
And I did it...
A lot of my friends asked mi a same question
"Did I ever ever regret of knowing you"
And my answer is "No"

Since the start...I was given a choice
whether to "love you" or "treat u as normal friend"
Yet I chose to love you
I did not regret that I got once love you before
Although it just a short 6 months...
But I was deeply in love with you
The feeling of "Love" and "Like" is different
I can tell from my actions

You are the one that taught mi a lot of things compare to other guys that I admire
But one thing that I regretted was I did not actually tell u my feeling towards you personally...
Right now it's not important anymore

After seeing you today at TS
I realize I had completely forget the feeling that I used to had towards you
I sincerely hope that the happiness between you and your gal will last forever and ever

Although we can't become a couple
But we can still become best friends
This is my regards to both of you

As for my own happiness...
I will let god decide....Just hope it will come and find mi soonnnnnnnnn

2011-11-25T19:41:00.003+08:00

I'm stress for my exam
After the school exam that I took...I really regret of what I did in the past
Play non-stop,went to work and even watch show still cannot control
Hais...
After Sunday...I'm going to stay at home and woodlands areas...
I'm not going to town anymore until after my exam

Told this to mummy about my result
Thinking that she will scold mi...But I was wrong...
Instead of scolding mi...she actually encourage mi
Coz actually I did some reflection on it..
She was please that I had grown up a lot compare to Sec 5
Up to this time round...Then I know how much my mummy love mi
She just using indirect ways to love mi...
I really regretted what I did to her in the past
And I didn't expect myself that I will pour everything out to her

One thing that I was shock was...
All this while she know that I had been lying to her that I had bf before
And the only reason that she don't split it out was my character was so much similar to her when she was young...
That's the reason why she nv sae it out

And been asking mi when I going to have my first boyfriend
Hahas
Actually I also want to have my first boyfriend
But no one want mi...How am I going to have one...?
Sometime I really think does the problem lies on my attitude or character?
My expectation was not high...
I only want someone that is responsible and will love mi with all his heart
Care for mi and with mi when I need him
Most importantly is in his heart...family must always be the first
I don care whether he's handsome or what...
But most importantly is the heart...
If he's good looking yet he don treat his family well...
There's no point going on with him
To mi that my expectation...

But right now
All I care was my study...Coz I don want to regret
As for relationship...I leave it to god
Coz I myself also have doubts in my own feeling...
And I need to time to understand the feeling of love,like and crash...

2011-11-23T23:23:00.003+08:00

Here comes my update:)
Oh Yeah...Just return back from Taiwan
One word to describe Taiwan was awesome:)
Went to 西门町，五世谱，士林 and 淡水。。。
But still there's a lot of places that Ben intro I cant get to go:(
Hmmm...
Plus I cant get to buy a lot of thing on Sat night after what happened in 士林
But overall is great and excited trip:)
Hope to Taiwan again with my friends:)

2011-11-15T02:46:00.002+08:00

Exam coming in a month time
And see what I'm doing now?
Still can go Taiwan to enjoy,play with friends and whats' more
Movie with brother and cousin...

Honestly specking...
I really too slack le
By this time...I should have finish all the questions
Yet it have not been done yet!
What's more?Everything come at the same timing...
Sam ask mi a question that I cant answer...Family problem and even work problem
FUCK!!!
I also busy with my exam alr...and now all are waiting in a queue

It's true that I said that I had put him down le...
Bu sometime I still miss him...the time that we chit chat on the phone and talk to him when he's working...
Family problem had finally settle...but deep in my heart...I still worry for them...
I don even get the chance to talk or see them after what had happened recently
Work problem...is always a question marks...I don know what will happen next when I go work
But I know all friends had gone except mi...
Exam! It the big problem to mi...
I promised my parents that I will not waste there money again like what U did in Sec 5
So it's a must I must do welll...

But see what I done...
Play with friends,Taiwan trip and still can work
I really deserve a slap for myself to wake mi up!!!!
All these thing really make mi pissed off
Coz I don even know how to control myself from playing
I really hate myself...my current self...
Tamper out if control and I throw it on to my friends and aunt...
Addicted to playing,drinking and clubbing

This is not mi...my past mi
And see what I had done to myself
A person like mi shouldn't stay in this world...
But why I still alive?I should have passed away from the accident....
Right now...the only thing fro mi not to throw my tamper
was to keep away from my friends
It's the best thing for us...
So MIA during this period was a gd choice...

So friends...
It's the best time to stay away from mi during this period...Coz my tamper is out of control...

2011-11-09T13:53:00.003+08:00

距离考试还有1个月的时间
可是我觉得我对不起妈咪和自己
这个时候，我因该把我自己关在家里读书
可是我却在这个时候和朋友出去玩。。。
以玩就玩到早上2点还到家
总觉得自己变得好坏，还讨厌现在的自己
以前的我会坚定自己的想法。。
可是为什么现在不行呢？
是不是压力太大了？
我不知道。。。我只知道我现在想把考试考好一点，然后彻彻底底地把他埋在我心里的最深处
对我来说。。。彻彻底底的放下他不是一件容易的是
因为当我爱上一个男人的时候，我不会容易的放开他
除非我真的能够亲眼看见他的幸福的样子，那我还会放手
现在的我，是不会爱上任何一个人。。。
因为我真的觉得累了。。。
Plus我现在没有时间来想这些事情
哈哈

现在我只期望我不会胡思乱想
因为我有时候，我真的好想他！！！

2011-10-31T23:36:00.002+08:00

Had a mixed feeling
Something happened on Sat which I feel so lost and uncomfort
So decided to write it here
Coz I know that no one will visit my blog

As usual went to work on Sat
Worked from 11pm to 1opm
When I reached there...den I noticed that they having an event
So at first I though that Micheal was not working
But in the end...he's working from 12 onwards
Really don feel like seeing him after quarreled with him...
But no choice coz he's the manager there...
As usual they wanted mi to open movie express
But the time I finished opening...is alr 12plus...
So when I trying to unlock fridge...I noticed that Micheal is standing behind mi
And the distance is within 1-2cm away
I really don know how long he had been standing behind mi...
But I'm really very scared...coz I had been hearing sth of what he did to girl crews
And it happened on mi the first time
All this while...I'm been telling myself that...
I'm not pretty and I'm ugly...So he will not do anything to mi
But I was wrong...
Now he standing behind mi secretly...how abt next time?
After which...he spot check my poach...
And one of the poach...he wanted to check but I threaten by saying if he check...I called Police...

When come to around 9plus...
Received a call from Sam...Asking mi to help him with his tickets
And he came and find mi
When I saw him...I really wanted to cry not because I saw his girlfriend
But is what happened on the afternoon...Wanted to pour out to him
But I didn't...he did noticed my eyes were red...so I finding excuses to cover myself
When for dinner tgt:)
After that dinner...I decided to let go
Coz I can see how lovely they were:)

The next day...
I told what had happened on mi at Cathay to buddy
He dont even make any respond to it
So I change topic...I felt disappointed on him
We had been buddy for 3-4 yrs and he's don seem to care
When he need care...I was there...
WTF!!!!

Then just now...
after my class...meet up with SL to go hm together
Den she noticed that I did not get any sleep
Somehow we chat till the Cathay's topic
and I eventually broke down in MRT
Told her everything...Thanks sis for being there for mi
But up till now...I still feel scared...
I thinking should I told this to Eunice?
Coz she knows the whole story...

2011-10-25T00:14:00.002+08:00

Another update again:)
Wanted to update abt Sat:)

Finally I get the chance to enter Powerhouse:)
I waited for 3yrs and I finally fulfill it
Hahahas
More surprise is I enter PH with a group of almost 20people
Thanks to Steve...my first clubbing life was memorable
Coz I nv expect that there are a lot of people...
Hahas
First ...I went to Jurong point with my aunt
Coz my brother treat us SuShi for Lunch...
It's the first time that my bro actually use his own money to treat us
Next...Met up with Eunice at Bukit Gombak
Hahas...
Went to salon to rebond my fringe and make my hair
While Eunice is planning for her new haircut:)

Then I headed to Orchards to meet up with WJ and SL
Before I meet up with them
Headed to Cathay to see roaster and understand some situation
Now den I realize that almost all my friends alr left except mi
:(
Afterwhich headed to Herren to have dinner and Cab to Vivo to meet up with others
I was so excited due to m V club:)
We chop in first and went back to Vivo
Coz we wanted to drink high first before heading in again

Bought 2bottles of mixers,2bottles of Vocak and 1 bottle of Wisk
Hahas
We drank high outside the Vivo
While we on the way to PH...
The guys actually had a hard time coz all the gals sei liao
including mi ...
I high till uncontrollable...
I laugh nonstop,cant even walk straight and even wanted to drink more
But I know that I was not drunk...coz I know what I'm doing
Hahahas....

Conclusion is I was having a fun and excited day at Vivo and PH

After my first clubbing...
I actually able to understand what ling's feeling
She was right...going club actually can make yourself feel super relax
I think maybe because of Cathay...
That's why I feel so stress up...
But when u high and sei...U will surly feel like dancing at dance floor
I don know whether I got dance at dance floor or not
But I know that after I high...I felt super relax

Thanks guys for taking care of mi at PH and given mi memorable day
Sorry to give u guys a hard time
Really had a fun and enjoyable day on Sat
I wonder when is my next clubbing day?
Just hope that it will be after my exam...
Den I no need o wait till 21 le:)
Hahahahahahas

2011-10-20T20:57:00.002+08:00

Exam coming liao
Stress level is getting higher and higher
Towards my exam...I only left less than 2months
Up till now...I realized that I had spent too much time on work and playing
:(
Is this what happen when comes to study and work at the same time?
I had already forgotten what is called "Time Management" and "Finance Management"
I used have these locked in my mind...but not this period...
Tons of assignments are waiting for mi to accomplished...
Hais...
Towards 1st Nov...I only left 11days...
After this 11days...
Time management is what I'm going to have...
No more playing except the catch up with AJ and my Taiwan Trip!!!
No more beers or wine for mi after the coming Sat

I'm gonna to put a stop to all these stuffs
and start all over again...to the time that I had left Cathay the first time
I'm going to change myself to a different person that no one know before...
A better person with a better tamper,less selfishness and better 性格
No more relaying on others...NO MORE!!!!
Just like that time...all alone by myself...
I know just sae mean nothing...
But prove it by ACTIONS!

I know is difficult for mi to do that
Coz I had been using this "kind" of 性格 for so long...
It's time for mi to change!

Had a heart to heart talk with mummy and aunt
And they eventually wanted help mi to change:)
Aunt actually sae that she will help mi by scolding mi whenever she saw it at home...
No more screaming at my family members especially my mummy and aunt
只要有决心，就不要放弃
I think they also wanted mi to change into a better person...

I just don want to my friends to feel disappointed
I believe if one day I really success to do that...
Ah Gong and Mama will feel happy for mi
I just don want to let my aunt and mum worry abt mi anymore
20 yrs old liao...I don want them to see mi as a 3 yrs old kid
Thanks for being there by my side
Buddy,sis,aunt and mummy
Thanks for accepting what I am now...
I going to change to a better person...

2011-10-16T03:43:00.002+08:00

What happened to mi?
Recently had been drinking so much
So much that I cant imagine
The only think I know was I was super annoying with my mind
My mind is full of rubbishes!!!
Thinking those that was not related to my study
But the fun thing was I will get to hang out with my group of crazy friends on every Saturday
Last Sat they went PH and I wait for them outside
This time round...they went to rebal and I wait for them in a shop
And the good thing is I can get to go clubbing le
BUT is with the accompany from my cousins
Hope they don mind...

2011-10-09T02:13:00.002+08:00

Another update to my memories

Just return back home
Went out to K with Selene,WenJun and Steve:)
Had a very high moment with them at the last hour:)
An unexpected result from Steve and Selene
I though she will had a hard time to join in the group
Yet after a couple song sang by wenjun and mi...
They start to sing all the couple songs:)
They reslly gave mi a shock!!!:)
Hahas

After the K...we went to Mache for our dinner:)
Another Mache dinner...more worse...we order the same foods that we had ordered the first time
Had chit chat time and we head to Vivo:)
Coz WenJun meeting Branda to go powerhouse
So Steve and Selene are going too except mi can't go
Coz got no IC and aunt only allow mi to enter that plac when I reach 21
But they accompany mi to drink at Vivo Skygarden:)
ZhiHao join in the fun too:)
We play Blackjack while we drinking...
And I was extreme high:)
But god neve give mi exta time to get more high
After the first round of the game...we goes on to second round
A few minutes of our second round...the wind was strong and it started to rain
So no choice but to stop the game ...
They accompany mi to take cab before they go powerhouse...
But thanks to the stupid exit...we wasted half an hour
LOLS

In the cab..I feel terrible....
Seeing them all go Powerhouse to have fun...
But only mi need to go home
In fact the whole group was going except mi:(
Cried in cab and at toilet:'(
The feeling was so so so terrible
How I wish I get caught in the rain for an hour...
Then the rain will able to cover my tears:(

Anyway thanks guys for the fun night that u all had given mi:)

2011-10-02T12:49:00.002+08:00

My feeling was so mixed up
Maybe due tqo what happened ytd
It's my second night shift work yet I don't really enjoy like last time
Alvin Gorgor had left Cathay liao...Coming up is Calvin
Looks like almost everyone had left...just left mi

Sometime I really felt that I've been bullied by my manager
And there's no way I can talk back coz their position is higher than mi
Just like ytd...
Jozann put mi at movie express where I need to do washing
So I told her that u want to transfer mi to concess?Coz I can't do any washing
She sae is alright and will sent someone up with mi
When comes to night LiMin was there
But was transfered to Concess at 10pm
And bad new is I need to closing for Movie Express
I cant even do any washing...how am I going to close Movie Express?
And I get scolded for that...
Really got a feeling that I was bully by them...
Yet I cant phase it out...
LiMin and Calvin saw that and was there to comfort mi ...
Thanks guys

Sometime I really think if Zeezam and afi were on duty
Will that happened on mi
I don think so..
Right now I really hope that Afi is back for duty!!!

Being hyper at external yet not hyper in internal
Really feel so tiring...
Yet that's the only way to cover all my sadness,unhappy and suffers!!!

2011-09-28T00:51:00.002+08:00

27th of Sept!!!
A day that my grandma left mi 7yrs ago...
I miss her so much that no one can imagine
All these while I been telling myself that
I must be strong...I cannot become crybaby anymore and etc...
Felt so tired...yet no one was beside mi to lend mi a shoulder...
How sad I am!!!
But luckly thanks to Phyu,Alvin and Pearlyn...I manged to spend my spend with joy and laughter...
But it's just that I miss someone calling mi
"juajuan"

2011-09-20T23:34:00.002+08:00

Seriously I really don know what happen between Aj and mi
Calling him a few times yet he don even pick up the calls
Does that means that adults quarrel and their child need to stop contacting each other?
If that's the case...I will fixed the cracks no matter what...

I had sick and enough of this!
Cracks between the family members
Family are not united....
Misunderstanding between sisters...
Mind was full of rubbish...
etc...

What's else I'm going to face...
God is letting mi to choose 2 out of 1?
Friendship and family?
Both are impt to mi...
They are part of my life...
I can't afford to loss any of them...
But what can I do...
I can't do much but to seat and watch...
Really hate this kind of feeling!!!!

If really can't fixed any of them....
That's it...
I'm going to wash hand with all these...
It's selfish...I know...
But it's the only way to protect myself from shedding of tears...

27th of the month is coming le...
The date where grandma left mi 6 years back
Why this day must come so fastl...
I really scare that I will break down...
Be a strong gal?I believe I had did it...
That's what I ghad promised to my graqndma...
But Happy gal...will be quite tough for mi...
Nothing is impossible!!!
I believe I can do it...
JYJYJy

So happy that Oct onwards...
I CAN DO CLOSING:)
Bro is coming back after 2months of MC
I miss the time where we work together^^
Really hope that he will like the birthday cake I given to him today:)

Heineken Time

2011-09-15T01:16:00.003+08:00

Today went to Kbox Scape for K session
This K session was not the same as last time
Coz the purpose of this session is to sing with our own style
and the way of choosing the songs are consider "old songs"
Coz we chose F4 as well as old songs sang by JJ Lin and Jay...
Had a super wonderful session with WenJun and Brenda
Thanks to WenJun...I from hyper become extreme hyper

After which we headed to 313 for dinner at Marche
Den we went to 7-11 at PS to buy Heineken...
It's the first time that I drink with my buddy
But because we too high alr...end up we keep on changing location
From SMU...we head to TC for our drink session
Had a drinking and chit chat session...
Then by right I told myself I only drink half bottle of it and the rest asked wenjun to settle for mi
But some how...I finished the whole bottle

In fact we did a lot of chit chat and the topic was relationship..
I can say what I said is true...
Buddy used to ask mi why I sleep so late
Now den I reply your answer
Not I don;t want to sleep...
But I just force myself not to sleep
Coz I know once I sleep early...I'm surly having nightmare
But what can I do....
To mi...10plus onward...is the most difficult time that I had out of whole day
I tend to think of him...But I force myself not to
So I locked myself in drama an d study
As for recently...I was hyper because I never expect that he will reply mi this way
In fact when I log in fb ytd...I 'm able to see his wall...
I become more hyper...that the reason why today I became crazy...

I don't buddy can see or not...
But I can said now the days I become an actress...
I tend to act in front of him and my sisters...
Just to cover my sadness and my weakness...
I'm was sad abt what Chynna's wrote on her blog...
But I can'tr show my weakness...
Honestly...I really wanted to go BBQ with him...
To tell Chynna that we are friends and stop creating thing just to see "good show"
But the moment I said..."u go with mi la...then I go"
He kept quite...and the only thing I can said is "joking with u de"
I really got the urge of telling him that I like him....
But I can't....Coz he got GF
If I said it out...people might think that I'm the 3rd party...
So there's nothing I can do...

As we chit chat...my emotion is getting out of control
Maybe that the reason why I managed to finish the whole bottle....
Hahas

After drinking....
Wenjun and mi acc Brenda to TPY and we take cab home
Anyway thanks buddy for the cit chat session
I hope that u are alright too...
But if anything happen...just give mi a call or chat with mi msn...
My phone was 24hrs on...
The situation that we are facing now...
Just let it flow...like what u said to mi
So let's Jiayou Jiayou Jiayou together...

When I reach home...
I think I'm a bit drunk...
I don't know coz I nv been drunk before...
But I felt dizzy
Before I enter the house...I eat a lot of sweets just to cover the smell
But some how my aunt manage to smell that I had drank beer
Hahas
And get scolded...but nvm...
At least today I was happy to spend time with him and Brenda...
I think we should have more beer session in future:)

2011-09-09T20:38:00.005+08:00

我还喜欢他吗?

I been asking myself this few weeks and days
I know I should not like/love him since he got girlfriend alr
But I really do not know my current feeling towards him
Whenever I go inside his work place...
I always must give myself a few seconds to tell myself that I must treat him as a friends instead onrmally...But I managed to do that
I can say that up till now I still miss him when comes to night
But I can't help myself
When comes to night...I felt lonely...I really got urge to dail his number to chit chat with him
But I can't because he got girlfriend and I don't have any right or reason to call him at late hour
The only thing that can keep myself away from lonely
was to lock myself in the word of drama where there are KHY,WuZun and etc

Sometime I felt miserable towards my feeling
When I first saw his gf...she looks 20plus insteads of 31...
I believed he's lying to mi but I never question him
Coz his not even my boy...
Then he told mi that sentence in the gym
I really don't know what's he thinking...

SL actually asked mi do I feel miserable
My answer is "Yes"
I wanted to hate him...But I can't do it
I wanted to know what he's thinking yet I can't asked
I wanted to continue like him yet I can't due to his girl
And only thing I can do was to treat him as friends

Now the days I tend to sleep more late compared to last time
Can u believe?I sleep 3plus to 4 plus or even don sleep at all
And the next day I sleep like a pig in train when I was on the way to work
I know he's not worth for mi to do that
Even my friends also can't believe I can like a guy up till this state...
Even myself also don believe...
Compared to Tianhuar...I feel so much terrible and drop a lot of tears...

Now I know that they are closing 3 weeks for renovation
I can make use of this 3 weeks to arrange my feeling
As for relationship...I can only let god to decide
If I really want to be with him as a couple...I will need miracle to happen
But I know that will not happen to mi....
So maybe single is what god had planned for mi ba...

2011-09-09T20:17:00.004+08:00

Recently watch "Let's Talk 你在囧什么2"
It's an entertainment show that talk abt what tennagers are thing
Which also link to my world too:)
The 1st ep was abt friendship

To mi friendship is important
But not that important compared to Family
Maybe because ppl changes as the days goes...
In the show...actually got a qns that asked is there anything that makes u hurt on what friends do...

To mi the answer is "Yes"
This person was not Doreen
Compared to Doreen...This person hurt mi more...
At least Doreen hurt mi was by using verbal action
But this person was using both verbal and action
She know mi for 10 years yet she told mi that she don't understand mi at all?
I will not believe her...
It's true that I had built a wall in my heart to stop everyone to understand mi
But that don't not give u any excuses to say that U don't understand mi at all

She knows that I like him
And I believed she knows that he got gf alr
So there's nothing I can look forwards to it
But she create a situation that might cause a broke in friendship btw him and mi
Assuming things...
What's makes u think that he go and I will turn up???
FUCK Q!!!!
_|_

It's been years that I never scold "chu hua"
And now she make mi scold again
Anyway I had made a decision not to contact with her
So there's nothing it will affect mi
Just hope that she will not have any ability to affect my world

2011-09-05T23:51:00.003+08:00

Recently happened a lot of things

How am I going to describe the details ne?

First was the stupid "baked Rice" that caused mi to get scolded by Hari

Next was the quarrel with my aunt due to unfair treatment

And now was the BBQ issue...

What the!!!

Every thing coming in a row to look for mi

Luckily the first and the last issues had settle

But thanks to the Baked Rice...now she's showing mi attitude...

As for the last issue...after confronting her

I had made a decision...

I will not let her have any chances to text mi and I do not want to contact with her...

Although throughout the conversation it's sounds funny and I do not know why I told her the true abt the feeling towards....

But I had make my stand clear....

I will leave the 2nd issue let it be...

Coz I been having this unfair treatment for my entire 14years...

So there's nothing I can do to change!!!

Maybe is because of all these issue...

I really don't have enough sleep or even sleepless night

Do u know by facing all these problem ...I used up almost all my energy to get it peaceful

Finally 7th month at gone and the 8tgh month came...

But I miss my grandparents a lot

I really don't know how to live w/o them even-though they had left mi for 6years

neither do I know how to get rid of the fear of darkness

Since the day my grandparents passed away...I've been fearing of facing the night time

Maybe because when comes to night time...I was alone ba...

Right Now...

I must learn how to leave alone w/o any dotes or love from other

And it's a must for mi to treat him as my normal friend coz

真正爱一个人的时候，而那个人也不爱你
你会觉得和辛苦

2011-09-02T22:46:00.002+08:00

Where should I start with
These few days I felt so tired
Other than working...I also studying and even meet out with sisters and buddy to relax
Really spend a lot...
Gonna to cut down my expenses....

Yesterday was Teacher's day
I wish all my teachers and lecturers a Happy Teacher's Day
Went back to Fuchun Sec to visit my teachers
But I can't get to see Ms Tracy
I miss my sec sch life
I miss the canteen foods
I miss all my teachers
I miss the time when I was fighting
I miss each and everyday in sec sch
I miss my sch and class mates
Although I always get bullied by my classmates...but I still miss them

Today meet out with Buddy for movie
Went to watch Final Destination 5 at The Cathay
After watching it...
I promise that I will not watch anymore horror and bloody scenes movies
It was way too scary
After which headed to Suntec for IT show...
And Last location was Have U eaten cafe
:)

I felt so tired after today activity
I think I will have a early night now
Tml still need to wake up at 6 plus for work
GD NITE:)

2011-08-23T01:11:00.003+08:00

Result was out yet at 12pm...
I'm been worry sick and finally I received new mail from my inbox
Know that I score 76...my friends and parents are happy for mi
But I don feel any excitement ...coz I'm not happy with my result
My expectation was 80 yet I only get 76?
Just 4 marks to go lei...
Although I was not happy...there's nothing I can change...
So but to accept it...
SL,WJ and mummy were trying to cheer mi up
But they failed...
After my lesson...headed to BBP...
It's been years that I had not been there...
Went there to meet my BF Khanafi...
Hahas...
Where on earth I got a BF right?
U all think lor...
Because we care for each other like as if he's my Bf
But I see him as my eldest brother
Hahas

Knowing mi I was down,upset and can't chill down
He meet mi to have a nice chit chat:)
Really enjoy the chit chat time with him:)
Going to find him the next time when I'm free:)
Hope his hand will recover fast:)

Thank sis,buddy,aj,mummy and BF for cheering mi up
I'm ok right now...
And I believe I can do well...
Thanks for the courage and confident that u guys had given mi:)

2011-08-19T00:20:00.002+08:00

When to Changi Airport with WenJun for study
Today he really entertain mi a lot...
Laugh until my stomach pain:)
First is he wear sun shade when he reach airport
Next is the way he walk really like idol
Hahas
Buddy...really trying to be funny with mi:)
Plus one thing was I look like his assistant coz I wearing a backpack
Hahas:)
Headed to T3 for study and Den went to Marina Sq to slag:)

Today really was a fun and enjoyable day with him...
Or izzit because I too long nv laugh like this le....?
Don really had appetite recently plus a bit of moody

The moment that I step in to Changi Airport
All my childhood's memories flashed in my mind
Out of 19 yrs...those day was the most happy
The time where my family are together
But right now...It's impossible to go back to the past
So many things happened to my family recently yet I do not know how to crop it
Other than laughing like nobody business just to cover my unhappiness
I really what else I can do
Really feel so helpless

I really don't know what kind of feeling to write this post
Can u imagine I was crying while writing?
I already promised not to cry yet I still cry

Handling all things at the same time was not easy for mi
Family,work,study and even forgetting Sxxxxxxxx...
Really felt so tired...
Just wanted to sleep and never wake up...
:`(

阿公，嬷嬷
娟娟好想你们！
为什么当初你不要带我更你们走呢
向你们的滋味好辛苦好难受
每次孤单的时候就像是夜晚
好难受
总是做恶梦，永远被吓醒
希望能够快点见到你们

2011-08-16T00:34:00.002+08:00

Suddenly got a lot of things wanted to talk about
Friends keep on asking mi why my character look like a guy even thought I was a gal...
A very good qns...yet I need to find word to phases it out

All my closer friends and buddies know
my mum was a person that dote guys more than gals
That is the reason why I change myself...
Before my brothers were born to this world...
I was being love by everyone including my parents
But after which when I reach 6-7 yrs old and my brother was 3-4 yrs old
Everything change...And I realize that all this was due to my brother
Hence I started act that I'm a boy...
All the way till now...
TomBoy was what I was called by my friends when I was in school
If now suddenly wanted mi to change back to my girly character...
I afraid I can't...
If though in some ways I look like cry ...eg cry when I feel hurt
But I already forget what I look when I was girly...
So friends and buddy...I have answers your question:)

Although it's sound silly and stupid to did that just to catch attention from my parents
But this world...
有哪一个子女不希望她的妈妈能够注意她疼她
If really there's this kind of person...
I really want to make friend with her and ask her how she survive

2011-08-15T00:35:00.002+08:00

Recently what happened to mi
Remains mi of what had happened 3yrs back ago at Doreen's chalet
If that time we nv go to OCH to explore,maybe I will not have this strong feeling...
Up till now...what had happened on that day was clear and fresh in my mind
Likes it was happen just yesterday

Exploring OCH with 12friends was the worse decision that we had made
Coz going in by single digit will see them easily...
And worse thing was we go in to explore at midnight 2plus am
which is most haunted timing
It was dark inside and was messy...
But I back off when comes to second floor
Coz I heard something and feel something
So I told my friend that I wanted to get out of this place while the other continues
Going out with 3 buddies...
On the way to exit...we eventually get lost coz we are walkinging round and round
And after which we are able to get out of it
A few minutes later...the rest of my friends also get out
and we went to nearby coffee shop for a drink

At first I though nothing will happened
But it was not true...and happened on my very best buddy,Aloy
He gets angry easily and the way he behave was not like him
Throwing 50bucks to the cab driver and ask him to keep the change was not him
Returning back to chalet and hid himself under the pillow
Made mi feeling more scary and worry

Then we know that "something" was inside his body
Coz all the 5guys trying to get him out of darkness...all flew
And the only people was can help him was 4 of them
The rest need to wait outside the chalet...
I was so worry that I hug Doreen...I'm scared that I will lost him as my buddy
and after 2 hrs...he was okay:)
And talk to mi...
Seeing mi cry like a baby outside the chalet...he calm mi down and talking about TianHuar's staff
Saying that he was not worth it for mi to drop tears...
But my crying was partly on both of them....
Thanks goddness...he was alright:)

Up till now...I can't forget what had happened on that day
Coz it's will remains mi not to go any haunted place anymore especially on the 7th month

Although I know that my buddies will not see this post...
I still want to say
One day buddy is equals to whole life buddies
Without you guys...My past will not feel with joy and memories
Really <3 u guys

2011-08-14T00:34:00.002+08:00

Watching Captain America with buddy today
Went to The Cathay to watch
Almost everyday I go Orchard
-_-
After which...
Went to OC for dinner at Mos
And headed to Douby again for some photo shot
While helping Buddy to take photo
Suddenly heard children make noise
But the strange thing is around us....there's no children
Why the children making noise
And my fear was getting stronger and stronger
Like got sth watching us....
So it's better to return home
Sorry Buddy,Cant help u take a few shot
But promise I will help u again on Wed:)

I promised that I will return home before 9pm for the 7th month
In order for mi to be safe...
SCARY:(

2011-08-12T02:07:00.002+08:00

Here comes my update:)
Recently feeling so tiring...
Not physically tired but mentally tired
Past few weeks had been through a lot of thing
And now is time to let go and give myself a break...
Just like the song....I want to be a strong and independent girl
Coz I want to have a beautiful tomorrow...

Anyway currently I was pack with assignments and works
Everyday assignment assignment assignment
Really want to throw aside and relax myself...
I been skipping school 2 time consider today
1st time was I was over tired on Sunday which lead mi can't wake up for sch
The sec time which is today was due to last mins knowing that I have class and I cant change my work time...So no choice but to skip...

Just hope all my tomorrow will be beautiful
If I don cry,face it,have the courage and become independent gal...
Got to sleep le...
Good Night everyone:)

2011-08-06T19:53:00.002+08:00

People will be wondering how is my life
Good?Bad?Actually I don't know how to judge my life
All I know that I treat him as a normal friend...
Coz that the only choice I can choose...
I admin that I felt so terrible after I saw his gal
Can't even sleep,cry in reality while I was sleeping...
I keep myself as busy as I am...
Working 5days a week was what I did to myself...
Even my supervisor couldn't believe it...and start to worry abt mi
He even stop myself from working for two days by changing my constrains...

Finally I really wake up my mind
I start to change my regular life style...
AND put my focus on my study:D

One thing that I start to make myself to have a habit
That is I depend on myself...cannot relay on others...
Coz I notice that relaying on others for help will show how weak the person is...
So why do I want my friend to see my negative side...???

Going down to Orchard was part of my daily lifestyle
Coz my sch is at Orchards,My work is at Orchards and even my gathering is at Orchards...
So I see my friends more often than my sisters...

But luckily I have my friends with mi while I was working
Working at Cathay will make myself more happy even-though something I will get angry easily...
But everything must control control and control
Even-though my aunt wanted mi to quit this job
I also refuse...coz I really enjoy working at there
:)

Love life was actually my super weak point...
So I must stay as far as I could
It's a way to prevent myself from getting hurt again....
Getting hurt again and again will not just help mi grow up but also will affect mi a lot
So no love life for mi unless I really love the 3guy and the gal love mi
That will be different case...

Sometime I will feel lonely
But lonely does not determine everything
If really I was desperate for boyfriend...
Then I should accept Eddy instead of rejecting him
People will be wound who is Eddy...
Eddy was the 3rd guy that admire mi when I was 16
I rejected him once and now he still don't give up...
Hahas...But too bad he came at the wrong timing and I don't like him

To mi
All guys are the same excluding my buddies,brothers and cousins
So gals
Be clever...don't because of their sweet talk...
Then u believe that they like you
All guys are bastards!!!

2011-07-30T00:37:00.003+08:00

My legs were cramp like siao:(
This what happen when I never do warm-up before running...

Today as normal went to work
The only thing is I went to work with a heavy heart
Eventually rain while I was taking train to Cathay
Coz he is coming to Cathay to watch movie with his gal
After which headed to box office to help him buy tickets
Around 12plus he reach the Cathay...I saw him at first but I hid myself
Coz I noticed eyes are red...so I must prepared myself...
He took the tickets from mi and went to do his shopping

After 20mins....
While I was chit-chatting with Derrick....
Suddenly Derrick said a few sentence that I found it so weird
When I turn and look...Then I notice he came to redeem his popcorn from mi
And then he walking away with his gal...
I can only stand and watch his back view
Watching his back view made my heart more pains...
So I went to hid inside the washroom to do my crying for half hours after the crowd...
I told myself...
After the half hour....I will stop crying and went back to where we start...
Coz I know he don't worth it for mi to drop tears more than half hour...
The day at concession was terrible due to my feeling
But luckily there are Derrick,Hari and sofi...
Thanks guys for your concern
I really enjoy my day at concession:)

2011-07-27T22:18:00.002+08:00

The whole morning got a feeling that something bad is going happen
And really it's happening just now

First...I was glad that I found my assess card in the office
Which helps mi to save 5bucks
Next around 6 plus...I suddenly felt so angry and scolded them...
Coz two of the staffs stand there talking and leave mi do everything
I alr drop off and yet still want mi to the thing

After which headed to CWP to exchange the dise that my aunt brought
Then he asked mi out for gym...I promised that I will turn
Next he told mi that he going to watch movie with his gf at The Cathay
And will find mi when he came...
Finally I got the chance to see his gf...
But I felt so pain in the heart...
I'm scared that I will collapse on Friday after he came with his gf...

If really he does...
I'm going to put an end for everything on Friday
This time round...I will get distracted by any of his actions and words
After a big cry ...I will turn everything back to zero
To the time that we just knew each other...

Buddy:I promise u that I will back to normal after Friday...

2011-07-26T22:13:00.002+08:00

What the!!!
All my messages are gone:(
Which mean my data are gone too:(
Hais...I was so upset about this coz the most precious thing in my phone was my messages
:(
Now is all gone!!!Plus I forget to do back up every time I on my laptop
Hais

Went to NSC in the morning with my aunt for my appointment
After which aunt said wanted to go CWP for breakfast and lunch
What a tired day for mi plus I do not get any enough sleep recently
Then one thing that makes mi very surprise
My aunt said she wanted to go TS to buy new dvd for Ronney
Actually I decided to not to go in for a month
as I scared that he will treat mi very cold
But today when I went in...he treat mi very friendly
:)
After which headed to Cold Storage for shopping

I thinking I falling sick soon:(
Sneeze non-stop,flu,cough,sore throat and ulcers in my month
How I wish I will recover my sore throat fast as next Wed headed to Scape for K:)

2011-07-24T22:31:00.003+08:00

I miss u yet I can't look for u
Totally collapse/break down for an hour at my home toilet
Cried for an hour after which did my homework
But luckily today was quite a busy day for mi
Had my lunch and dinner together
But there a few minutes that I miss u so much
Almost dropping my tears...But Khanafi was there to concern mi
Thanks Khanafi:)
Tml will be my sch day....
Hope I will not miss u

2011-07-20T22:56:00.001+08:00

I feel so tired after a week of sleepless night and basketball shooting
Hahas
Really don't have proper sleep for 24hrs...
End up...sleep in mrt,walking on the street and even sleep in the lift while I going to Level 5
Anyway today work till 4.30 and I close counter
Since there's not much crowd I slag at office while waiting for my buddy WenJun
Had our dinner at Xin Wang and headed to Star Factory to play basketball
We play 7 times in a row and
only to manage to break our record 5 times out of 7times
And these 7 times always end after final level:)
Had a record of 615pts...What a good tag team:)

Anyway thanks Derrick for the concern and accompany mi to talk at concess
Thanks Khanafi for cheering mi up:)
Thanks Buddy for accompany mi after my work and play basketball with mi
Really great thanks to three of u...Feel so much better after today
I believe I can get to sleep today:)

2011-07-19T21:17:00.002+08:00

What am I doing for the past few days
I can't even had a proper sleep for almost entire a week
Every morning when I go work...I just look like a dead body
Not I don want to sleep neither do I don't feel tired
But I just can't get to sleep...
The moment I close my eyes...my mind was full of him
And it stop at what he told mi and the details of whatsapp

I tried all kind of ways to make myself sleep...
I sing,exercise,roll here roll there,study till crazy and watch video too
But still cant get to sleep
No matter how busy that I had set for my daily life...I just cant stop thinking about him
:(

Finally today my panda eyes coming out
Felt so tired while I was working and even cry in the washroom when my mind start to flash back
Why are u so cruel to mi...if u don't like mi pls don't said that sentence to mi
Thanks to my Cathay friends for cheering mi up
and buddy for meeting mi tml for basketball machine...

Hope that I will turn back to normal

2011-07-17T21:24:00.002+08:00

我不是发过誓说不会为仍和一个男人掉眼泪的吗
为何我还是会为他掉眼泪呢？
还以为是老天爷要我去找他的
因为我今天不小心掉了我的红粉

没想到当我跟他的朋友讲话时
他让我感觉他对我有点冷淡
我的心好痛好痛

为什么你又对我这样呢
我到底做的什么让你这样对我呢
是因为我跟我的兄弟庆生吗
还是因为有别的理由？
自从你知道我跟我的兄弟出门
你就没有再传简讯给我了
我传简讯给你也不回我
你究竟在想什么？
你知道吗。。。我每个晚上多好想你
想到我真的睡不了
就算我吃再多的安眠药，我还是睡不了
你能了解那种想念的感觉吗？
就算我把我弄得多累也好
我还是那么的想你

脾气也开始越来越暴躁
脸上开始慢慢的失去笑容
这样的我还是我吗？
我是知道我喜欢的是你
可是我没有哪个勇气告诉你。。。
就算我性格像男孩子又怎样。。。我就是没有男孩子的勇气
当初你就因该知道我的男性朋友比女性朋友还多
而几乎我所有的男性朋友都是我的兄弟。。。希望你能了解
你喜不喜欢我。。。终究还是个谜
我根本不知道你再想什么。。。你总是让我猜不透
现在我只希望有一个肩膀让我靠
像是爱似百汇理的大业。。。
当小风难过的时候...大业就借他的肩膀让小风靠

2011-07-16T21:27:00.003+08:00

I have been waiting for so long
And finally It on cast...
Watching Harry Potter with my cousin,AJ
It's been almost 2yrs that we have not watch movie together
Had breakfast together at PS
and headed to The Cathay for movie
After the movie headed home for dinner with aunt
Hahas

2011-07-14T22:25:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired now...
I just loved today crowd as it's makes mi busy:)
Today busy like siao!!!
But I had a lots of fun...working as a team
By right work until 6pm de...
But heard that they had not enough staffs...
So I extend till 8pm...
All of them was shock to see that I having nuts again for lunch:)
But till I was alright with them...
They are the one who actually do sometime that cheer mi up
Loves u guys a lot
Although today I was the only Chinese in the concession
But I really enjoy working with the rest of of them

After which headed home to rest
Then I kanna scolded for nothing
I never did anything wrong...and U scolded mi
Every time Ah B did the wrong thing...u scold mi
If u really don't like mi...I rather I was not born in this family
Already I felt tired after my work...and U still scold mi

I know I'm the extra in this family or maybe among my friends
But I'm still a human...I have feeling de
These few weeks I really very moody...Can't even have properly sleep at night
Sometime I really feel that I changed totally into a different person
Where is the old shujuan who have courage to face everything and will not hid from it
And Now this shujuan...don't have the courage and hid from something that she don't dare to face

Dream of granny ytd night
Asking mi what happen...Told her everything in the dreams
And eventually I cried out...
The moment I woke up...my pillow was wet...
Don't that mean I cried out in real life.????
Only crying makes mi feel better...
This shows how weak I am...

Anyway tml going to a busy day for mi too
Gonna to make my next week pack by setting my constrains longer...
That's the only way that stop myself from thinking of him...

JWJ's 20th Birthday

2011-07-13T22:42:00.003+08:00

Although it was a belated Birthday
But still I wish Wenjun Happy 20th Birthday
Hahas

Went to The Cathay today to wait for Wenjun
Then while waiting for him
I get prepare for his Birthday surprise plan
Been thinking almost 2-3 days just to give him surprise
First I brought a small cake from CWP without letting him know
and bring it to The Cathay
Then I put it at the sandwiches factory so that it will not melt
And I wait wait wait and wait
Waited almost for 3hrs and
Finally he turn up
So give him a surprise by asking him to wait for mi at the concession
Although I'm a bit of 手忙脚乱
But manage to give him a small surprise by bring the cake towards him
Haha
He was shock to see that....
Hahas
Surprise Buddy:)

After which went to PS together to shop a while and headed to Star Factory
to play basketball with Wenjun
Hahas
First time tag team to play
Managed to enter to the 4th round for first 2 times
and final round for last two times:)
Eventually makes a highest score of 564pt:)
Hahas
After which headed to Xinwang for dinner and Home sweet home

Although I bring a heavy heart out today
But thanks to my buddy:)
I enjoy my day:)

2011-07-12T21:35:00.003+08:00

I simply hate this kind of feeling
A feeling that admire a person who have a GF and yet told mi xxxxxxxxx
I really don't know what are u thinking
Why u tell mi all this
Are u trying to joke with mi,flirting or testing mi?
I really not sure...
Buddy,KA and AJ all asked mi not to think of u And let it be...
But I really can't control my mind I know I not suppose to like u coz u got GF alr... But can't control my heart...
Thinking that maybe I go work...
I will stop thinking of U But I was wrong...
Working in Cathay was good as my friends welcome mi back to the team
But when comes to no crowd,just like today
My mind was full of your looks...
The entire day I was thinking of you
Just like I'm going to break down in a few mins time...
But I control my tears
Just went to see you...and you told mi about her thing
Actually I know this long time ago...just like I act that I don know
Sometime not knowing is good than knowing I really don't know why u told mi all these?
What are u thinking?
Joking?Playing?Testing?
Can U pls give mi some hints or tell mi directly

2011-07-11T20:30:00.002+08:00

好高兴他今天有来
有到好过没到
虽然我没有表现出来，可是我看到他的时候好开心
可是当跟我说xxxxxxxxxxxxx的时候，我很意外和吓倒
为什么他要跟我说这些呢
是不是他看到了什么，还是知识逗我玩
我真的不知道。。。
可是我很快的回应他，“是哦”
因为我想隐藏我对他的感情，不想让他知道我喜欢他
竟然他有女朋友了，我唯一能做的是隐藏，因为我不想做第3者

可是为什么他要跟我说这些呢
我好矛盾，脑子好混乱
可是我却满脑子里都想着他
好相见他，去找他
可是我都不能这样做
Who can tell mi what should I do???

2011-07-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

Should consider yesterday ba
Went back to work at Cathay after a year break
Every thing had change including the systems
So need time to absorb everything
But was in hand quite fast...
Make a couples of new friends
Like Sofi,Derrick and etc...
Really got a hard time remember names especially malay friends
Finally I found a person at Cathay who can talk about my hobby
which is Singing
Hahas^^

Suddenly got the urge of going KBOX
to sing old songs sang by Rainie Yang like "Ai Mei"
It's been years that I have not touch this songs
Hahas

Today was not a really busy day even-though Transformers was on cast
Sometimes I rather to be busy
Only busy will keep mi occupied and stop thinking
I don't know what had happen to mi
But my mind was abt u...About the sms u send
These are the questions that flowed in my mind:
1)Why u sms suddenly?
2)Why u stop sms mi for almost half a year
3)What are u thinking?

But I get no answer?
Do u know how hard I tried not to find u even I miss u?
If I was there,I force myself not to go in...
Forcing myself not to do this do that is hard for mi...
I know what I did was through my own will
But just wanted to said it out
For just the 1 month break I had since the 6th June
I miss u each and everyday
Going there everyday just hope to see u...
But U was not there...
Even U saw mi at there also don't bother to call mi
Then what can I said...
Even today...I miss u whenever there's no crowd
What The!!!!
Derrick asked mi go break...I really don't want to go...
I'm scared when I think of u,my tears will drop
U are one of the reasons that I determine to slim down....
How stupid I am???!!!!

2011-07-08T00:30:00.003+08:00

My whole mind was abt him
Suddenly received his sms really made mi shock
We had not been sms each other for almost half a years
And suddenly he text mi...even I text him...he also never reply
Hmmm...
Asking mi whether I got go or not...yet I cant see him in the morning
What is he thinking?
Sometimes I really think I'm a fool....still believing what he said
K-Buffet,IT Show and K-session...all this outing he had not turn out
He just said need to work for all the event except IT show

I really don't know what's he thinking...
Stop to text mi after the FB chaos that Chynna created...
Before exam cold towards mi...after exam become like what we use to...
Telling mi that he's got GF automatically
I really feel hurt that time...I bet he will not know
Coz is the punishment for admire a person secretly...

What's now?
Text mi when I decided to give up everything
What am I suppose to do???
LOST?SAD?HAPPY BECAUSE HE TEXT MI?
I know that I don't have the right to admire or fall in love with a guy...
but why haven must give mi this kind of joke???
Can't u treat mi better after taking all my precious people and things away from mi?

Maybe just let it be ba...
Like what my buddy had said to mi early on
Time for mi to need a rest,good night sleep,stop thinking and
the moment I wake up will be a brand new day for mi!!!???

Thank Wenjun for being my listening ear...

2011-07-05T19:19:00.002+08:00

My Fringe super short and ugly

Went to reborn my fringe ytd morning
Really can't take it my fringe
Messes and dry
After reborning...my fringe became short and ugly
Now I learned my lesson
That is not to cut my hair personally
:(

Boring and Hot Sunday

2011-07-03T20:22:00.002+08:00

Today the weather was super hot
It's a boring day for me
Maybe because I do not have any books to study
That why I do not know how to spend the day
Hence...first thing was to change my blogskin
And then went to have a afternoon nap...
Boring right???

Sometimes I rather to be busy than having free time
At least when I busy...I will not think of this think of that...
I really don't know how to shake him off from my stupid mind
I only now him for around half a year...yet I still unable to shake him off
I know I do not have the rights to think of him...neither do I have the right to like him
A person like me will be able to find a right guy to like/love mi
So why do I have hopes in my heart???

In this world...who will like a girl with scared all over the hands and legs?
Bad temper and suffering from enzymes???
If there is...how come I still haven't meet him or look for mi...?

Anyway school starting tml
Yet I seeing the wrong slot...
Going to skip my first lesson...
And had a early morning run to refresh my mind and myself for tml...
Hoping u will had a enjoyable Sunday^^

2011-07-01T19:15:00.002+08:00

School reopen soon!!!

So happy yet a bit of sad...
Hahas...

During this break...
Keep on going to Orchards for activity...
First was to meet up my long lost buddy,Wenjun at Orchard for movie and dinner
Second was with Huiping at scape for K-ING
Third was my long lost ex-colleague,Ri at CWP for X-Men movie
Fourth was with Huiping at Sentosa
Fifth was at The Cathay with HuiPing for Mr Popper's penguins
Sixth was with my cousin AJ and brother for bowling
And last was with WenJun at Marsiling CC for K-ING

Out of so many activities
I felt the most enjoyable were the bowling session with cousin and K session with Wenjun
Hahas
Thanks Ri,WenJun,AJ and Huiping for filling up my breaks with relaxing events
^^

What's next!!!
I finally found a part time job for myself
Not to just keep my occupied to stop my mind from thinking
But also help up with home expenses

Anyway next week onwards
I will be more busier...
But till I will make a few days free to meet up with my sisters and Wenjun...

JiaYou JiaYou JiaYou

Mr Popper's Penguins

2011-06-25T21:58:00.002+08:00

I just don know why today was so moody
Maybe is family issue ba...
Went Plaza Singapura with HuiPing for some job interviews
Den headed to The Cathay to watch Mr Popper's Penguins

It been a year that I never step into The Cathay
So the first thing that I step in was to find my fellow ex-colleagues
Sham,Micheal,Ah heng and etc...
Hahas
They was shock to see mi...Some even said they miss mi
Hahas
Asking mi to go back to work with them...
But still considering...
Had a nice chit-chat with them...
After movie went to see 楊丞琳 too
And the last stop was XinWang for dinner before headed home...

Anyway
I don't know what's wrong with me today
But I'm sorry!!!

Angry

2011-06-23T20:24:00.002+08:00

I just don't know how to describe the feeling
In the morning...I was tired like hell...
So I drag myself to the gym thinking that I will feel better after a run
Instead of feeling better...I feeling more worse...
End up both my shoulder and back ache like hell
Next...My back and shoulders ache till that I went to fell asleep

By the time I wake up...My temper became more worse
I start to throw my temper due to the pain on my shoulders and back
Next...My younger brother get scolded by me
First...he use my app without asking mi...
Next he see my nephew tearing books with stopping him
and he don even bother to do his revision for his prelim and PSLE

Really very angry towards my brother
I was trying to help him so that he will not retard for his PSLE
He at there...instead of using his free time to study...he play
How am I not to get angry???

Recently...
My friend had found his new girlfriend...Congrats him...
Asking mi to find one too...
But I told him that I will not find one unless my brother's stuff are stable...
Honestly specking...I really wanted to find one that I relay on...
But I cant even have the time to take care of myself...
How am I going to have a time to find a bf
Plus finding a person who he like u and u like him...is a very difficult thing...

I really think that I don have the right to like a person
Not I don like him or to tell him that I like him...
But I was fear or outcome and don have the courage to do so
A person like mi...will not being loved or like by another person
So mind as well...staying single and stop day dreaming...

Dreams are beautiful...
But they also can be cruel to u...
Past few weeks ...I been dreaming how we start and every moment that we spend together...
Right now...
I should concentrate on my studies and take care of everyone in the family...

How I wish I can be like ytd...
Seating along the beach alone...
Coz it gives mi a feeling that my grandpa and granny are by my side to support...

I admin that I'm a weak person
A person that I need to relay on someone to support mi...
But I had been trying very hard to live alone in this world...
Just hope that I was able to do that before I collapse...

Sentosa

2011-06-22T20:50:00.002+08:00

3yrs....
It's been 3yrs that that I had not step in Sentosa
Not I don get a chance to step in...
But is due to the incident that happened 3 yrs back with TianHuar
Up till now I still can remember how deep that he had hurt mi in Sentosa

Although he choose to hurt mi at the end of the trip...
I still enjoy the day...The day with Doreen,Michelle,Gracia,Tianhuar and his group of friends...
It was fun and memorable day
Sometime I really think is there any possible that we can be buddies again instead of friends?
I really wonder...

To mi
Sentosa was a place that contained all my childhood memories
Since young...I had all my family gathering in Sentosa...
Almost every Sunday we go there...
But as we grow up...We stop going there...
A place that full of my grandpa memories...

As for today...Went there with HuiPing and her friends
Although it is not as fun as that time that I gone there with tianhuar...
I still enjoy the day...
Sunten myself the whole aftternoon...
At the end of the day...became BBQ SJ and fuji apple
Hahas

Anyway
Really enjoy myself today and carry myself to 13yrs ago...
I will always remember everything that happen in Sentosa...

Another Day

2011-06-18T20:54:00.004+08:00

Another day is going to pass
Suddenly don't get use to my holiday
Hahas
I should be happy as I have almost 3weeks of break
But I just don't know why I don't feel any excitement in it
Is it because I can't get to spend my breaks with my group of sisters like last time?
Or I can't get to go out everyday?
Or due to other reasons?
But I know one thing that I'm happy of
That is I get to spend some of the days with my other long lost friends...
Like my buddy or my cathay's friends
That what I'm happy off

But when comes to night
I felt a bit scared
Maybe is due to bored ba
Coz I use to spend my every night studying
And now is my break...I found that my night life was boring
Neither I can't get to go clubbing like my friends nor going supper with my friends
Hais
Others than this...what can I do?
Calling my friends to chat?
Sometime I really don't want to bother them coz they will be feeling tired after their work or spend the whole day with their own friends
But if I don't do something about my night life...
My mind will be just flowing full of his look...
It also impossible for mi to call him coz we had stop calling each others for months
Even I call...I think he also wiill not pick up...
What the point of calling...
Honestly specking...I really hope he will call mi to chat just like the first time
Even thought he called at late hour on that day
But I still enjoy the time

Anyway should stop myself thinking of him le
If really can't stop my mind...I think I will listen to song to practice my vocal or doing some sit-up to slim myself or even force myself to sleep...
Hahas...
Maybe that mi ba...
Hahas

X-Men :First Class

2011-06-17T19:32:00.002+08:00

Went to watch X-Men first class today with my long lost friend,Ri
It's been a yr that we have not see each other
And the last time we saw each other was at Marina Square
Haha
Had a lot to catch up with each other
HeeHee^^
Anyway the X-Men was great
Coming up movie was Mr Popper's penguins
Must look for someone to watch this movie with mi...
If not...I had no choice but to watch alone
;(

Singing

2011-06-15T20:19:00.002+08:00

Today went to Scape with HuiPing for singing
Haha
It's the first time that HuiPing go to scape
Sang a lot of song
As well as explode all my feeling by singing
Sang Happy and sad songs as well
Got Rainie,JJ,Show Luo,Twins and etc...
After which...
We went to Orchard Ion for our dinner at Xin Wang HongKong cafe
Then headed home by mrt
Hahas
On the way home...
We do a lot of chit-chat
Got relationship,fairytale and abt sec sch life
Haha
Den Huiping suddenly called mi Rapunzel
Coz I being trap at home by my aunt
But who will be the prince that will save mi
Gonna to wait for my prince to appear...

Buddy gathering

2011-06-15T00:09:00.003+08:00

Had an enjoyable day with Wenjun
Its been 3yrs plus that we have not meet each other
Meet up at Cineleisure with Wenjun
And catch Super 8 movie at there
After which had dinner at Fish&Co
During the dinner and on the way to Dhoby Ghuat at a super nice chit chat
Really had a fun day today
Should catch up soon with him again^^

Thinking

2011-06-11T19:32:00.005+08:00

有时我在想是不是因为我的习惯
阿公和奶奶在的时候，我重视依赖他们
可是当他们离开我的时候，我好怕我自己一个人过在每一天
所以我那份依赖move to朋友的身上

自己一个人我能逞到多久能？
一个月？一年？还是几个星期？

想哭却不能哭。。。真的好辛苦
可能我真的是神经病吧

我好希望阿公和奶奶能带我跟他们一起走
这样我就不会想他们了
朋友都说我好幸福，
因为我有阿姨疼我，虽然我妈妈不疼我
可是你们知道吗
我要的不是阿姨的爱，而是妈妈的爱
我想我再也找不到我小时候的笑容了

Finally

2011-06-08T21:04:00.002+08:00

Finally my nephew was back home after hospitalize for 3days
I been worry sick for him
He just only 1yrs plus and keep on staying in the hospital

After my gym exercise and breakfast at cwp
I called my aunt the moment I reached home
When I heard that he is going to come back
I was happy for him
A active young baby become a quite young baby
U know the feeling ma?
When I visit him at hospital ytd
My heart ache when I saw him in this state
Yet I can't do anything...
I finally understand when my mummy feel the pain when I enter hospital at a young age

But up till now ...
I still do not know what kind of person she is
She loves us...yet she don't cherish the time that we spend together when we are young...
Forgetting our birthday...
Dote my brothers more than mi...
I really don't understand her at all...

After all she my mummy
The one who born mi in this world
No matter what I must treat her well
Coz I really can't takes the blow to loss another family member leaving mi

After Exam

2011-06-06T23:06:00.005+08:00

After 2 months plus of non-stop studying
Today is a big day for mi
Went to Expo with fever 4hrs before my exam start just to get myself prepared
But after I saw the population keep on coming in...
I felt scary and worried...
But I still need to take my exam...
So after 3hrs 15mins of war with my fever,thinking and dizzy...
I did not finish my paper successfully as I cant find the answers for 2 of the qns which stand 60marks...
Got a feeling that I flunk my paper
:(

After having my dinner at expo with RuiMin
Headed back to CWP to buy present for Ling as today is her birthday
and a DVD for myself to reward for my effort and hard work that I had put in

Right now I was so tired
But I can't sleep
Because I need to wait for a call from my aunt
So worry for my nephew

Anyway now is holiday
And is time for mi to enjoy and get enough sleep...
Hope my depression and "bao chi zhen" will recover fast...

Last but not least
I need to thanks my aunt for taking care of mi during this period
It's a hard period for u to watch over mi almost every night just to lower down my fever temp
Thank You!!!

Doreen:
I don know you will see this post or even find my blog
But still I wish u
"Happy Belated 20th Birthday"
as 5th of June is your birthday
If can,I hope we will contact again just like before.

HuanLing:
Ling,thanks for being my BFF since the very start
Sorry for not celebrate birthday with you for today
But I hope you will like the presents that HP and mi had given to you...
"Happy 20th Birthday"
But hope you will like that

Again

2011-05-25T09:17:00.002+08:00

Just wake up with a heavy heart
Recently have been study non-stop
An dlead mi to minor depression and "bao chi zhen"
Doctor had told mi that all these was due to my stress
Only thing to recover was to calm my mind down
So he open a calm medicine for mi
Whenever I start to think that will not happen...I must eat this to calm myself down

Next is...
Recently had been thinking of him
The feeling was wanted to see him but cannot and by some chance u get to see him and he was not there...only think that u can see was recruiting notice
This feeling was terrible and upset
After see that...I start to assume that he 's not working anymore
And I cant get to see him
This feeling really make mi heart pain and terrible
Just had a dream...
From the really start...I start to assume that she are related to this issue
So I dream that
I make thing clear to him and told him what she sae was not true
At first he don really trust mi...but as time goes...he trust mi
and we are together...
We play,watch movie,shopping and etc together...
How sweet...
Even though I know that I was dreaming...
and I told this to him...he sae that I'm not dreaming
But just at the very sweet moment..
My phone rang...all this thing had turn to thick air...
How curl it this...
If I had the choice...I would choose not to wake up from my dream...

Relax

2011-05-15T19:36:00.003+08:00

It has been weeks that I have not felt so relax
Went to Mandai Zoo today with my family
It also been 6 yrs since I last step in the Zoo when I was in Sec 2 for my learning Zoo
Having a lot of fun today
Seeing all kinds of animals as we walk around
Den we had hand-make sandwiches for our lunch
Overall...
Although it was tiring...I still enjoy and relax myself....
Hope I was able to enter into the ZOO again

Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-07T22:17:00.005+08:00

Mummy's Present^^

Aunt's Present^^

Had an advance celebration today with my aunt,siblings and cousins
I also takes this opportunities to relax myself
Went to NEX shopping mall to shop and relax
Had Sushi Tei for dinner and brought 2 dresses for myself
It's been months that I had not buy anything for myself
Thinking of buying drama but I got not time to watch
So brought dresses from Cotton On...
But one thing I found it strange...
When I paid for my dresses...I don feel any pain from my heart
Don know is it because I was too stress in my studies

This few weeks...I been study non-stop
Sometime I think that I'm crazy...
I eat a lot everyday,Can't even sleep,thinking things that will not happen and have "huan ting" too
Am I suffering from depression and "bao shi zhen"
The only thing that I know was I feel towards very stress in my studies due to high expectation that I had set for myself
I cannot accept that I score less than 75% for my paper 6
That is what I was stress about and I only left 29days when the clock strike 12
Hence I do not have time to watch drama ...

Anyway
As for Mother's day presents
I brought chocolate for my mummy and a refrigerator for my aunt by sharing it with my cousins
Thanks mummy for giving birth to mi even thought u do had have time to take care of mi.No matter how much I hate u...u still my mum that support mi in my studies.
AS for my aunt,really thanks a lot for taking care of mi and bring mi up for 20yrs.It's been tough for mi to tolerate my temper and stubbornness....
Really thanks a lot!!!
Love U^^

2011-04-30T23:41:00.002+08:00

Am I doing the right thing or the wrong thing?
Forcing my brother to study is what I can do as his sister
Being eldest in the family was not an easy task for mi
I just don't want him to follow my footsteps
End up non of the poly want to accept him in future
I don want him to regret like mi
That is the reason why I keep on forcing him to study
PSLE is around the corner..yet he still feel lazy
What should I do....

Lately I'm been feeling that I going to turn crazy soon
Towards exam...I only left 37days
But I still have a lot of pending revision question...I still haven remember those theory chapters
And a lot a lot a lot of things...
Those things keeping on flashing in my mind
Keep on thinking those "you de mei de"
And "yi sheng yi gui"

All these things is it due to over stress???
Lately I've been hearing things that my aunt cant hear in the living room...
So is it I suffering from depression?
I don even dare to tell all these to my aunt and mum
Coz I accidentally heard the conversion between my aunt and mum

I heard that my aunt is worry about mi
Coz I been sleeping late and when I take my afternoon nap...
I been sleeping unconsciously...and my health is getting worst
But what I can do?
Exam coming and I still can't remember all those theory chapters
I told myself not to cry
But been crying these few days
Who can tell mi what's wrong with mi?

2011-04-22T20:48:00.002+08:00

Suddenly feel like blogging
These few weeks been study non-stop
Coz both my mock exam and actual exam is around the corner
And my study mood is alr back

Not just studying non-stop...
I also been clearing my mind about what had happen to mi recently
I did not actually expect that I will told all those things to SL
It's not like mi...It's the first time that I alr sae all those things to her

But is true...
Even he and mi have some misunderstanding...
There's no point to make things clear...coz even if we make things clear...
We also cant go ba ck to those days that we just knew each other le
For now my only first priority was to study
Coz only study can makes mi to move on with my life..
Other than study...I will not have any other though

As for relationship...
I will leave this to fate
Coz I'm not the one who can control everything
I can control my own future but no relationship
If it's really mine...even I want to stop...also can't stop
If it's is not my mine...Even I like him...we also will not end up together
So what's the point of do all those things
Maybe I just feel tired of waiting
Waiting for a person...u really will feel restless
So why I make myself feel so tired
I can use those time to study...so why not I use it...

To mi:
Both Joey and Eve cousins are very good example
They are independent and have a bright future
So why cant I be like them...
Even I will become "bai quan"...
I also will not blame myself...
In fact...I will make my single life fill with happiness ...

Anyway....
I just happy with what I have not
Even my life are without him...I will still fill have
Coz it's part of growing up...
But I can grantee that my life will be much more better even without her....

2011-04-16T19:48:00.002+08:00

Anther week is going to past
Which means my study weeks is getting lesser and lesser
and the only thing that my mind have was
STRESS STRESS STRESS

Coz my poly admission was not out yet...My brother are not serious in his school work
and I only left almost a months for my revision

Sometime this stress really makes mi feel like crying
But I cant do the crying as both my aunt and mum were be worry abt mi
So what can I do to release my stress?
I really don know...

Now the days...I running out of time
I don have enough time to sleep,study and watch tv
And even I was tired...I still must force myself to study
As I don know them to look down on mi and my family members!!!

Boring

2011-04-09T20:15:00.002+08:00

Another week is coming...
Feel so tired now...
So many things had happened within the two months
And there's no point of mentioning...
Reflecting back what I had did for past two months
Other then preparing exam...my mind was in a huge mess
The only thing I can do was to forget and get on with my work
Maybe ......is not the one I'm waiting for
But I promise I will not put any hope on it
So what in future no one want mi...
I can be on my own....
Supporting my whole family...enjoying my single status life...and etc
That's my back up plan

Although sometime I hate myself for having such thinking
But there's nothing I can do
Human can only live time....
So if life are living with masks on it...There's no meaningful le
Coz they cant get to enjoy what's life are

Anyway ytd went down to Yishun to pay Peiying a visit
It's been a long time we nv see each other le
Had a god,fine and wonderful chit chat with her and her sister
Haha^^
So hope that she recover fast and see her soon again

Temple

2011-04-02T21:40:00.002+08:00

2years!It's been 2years that I never went to Bishan Temple to visit Ah Gong
Asking forgiveness was what I can do...
I don even have the courage to tell Ah Gomg everything

It's been 6 years that he had left mi alone in this world
Up till now...I still able to see the images on 2005 CNY and the day that he passed away
When I thought it was a joke but actually it's not
I cant even handle all those things at the age of 14...
Even if I was able...I cant even handle my granny passed away on the same years
I been living in guilty for 6 years and I still haven get out of it
I did not even do a part as a granddaughter...

The moment I reached there...
All those happy memories that we used to have...appearing in my mind
I wanted to cry...but I hold on to it...to let my tears roll back to my heart
All I can do was to let myself to be more happier...
So that Ah Gong will not worried about mi...

But How can I do it???
That's a questions....
I been living in sadness for past 6 years...
The impression that my friends have was I'm an emo girl...
Who will remember the happy girl that I used to have???
I already forget the smile that I used to have...
Kind of missing those time...
If I was able to stop time...I will let it stop those time before I enter into Secondary

Difficult Thing

2011-03-26T22:35:00.002+08:00

Everything was normal for today
Although heart still ache...But I don feel must pain compare to another day
Just treat it as normal day for mi
But the only thing was to stop myself from going facbook at midnight
HABIT was the most difficult to change
And the only thing to change was to distract yourself by doing another thing
Right Now...I really must thanks to ACCA
Setting my exam at the right time...
It's the first time that I like my exam for coming at the right timing
As now is exam period...I will not have any chance to think of other thing than exam
I believe that time will heal
Since we do like know each other for not so long and I find out quite fast
I can put it down easily compare to Tianhuar
And the only thing I hope was I will pass my exam and get selected by Ploy

As this month alr very bad luck for mi
First gastric pain like crazy,3 "yan zhen" came out in both eyes ,ucler and 2 debit cards&cash 7bucks
Hais
I hate this month

Mood Changing

2011-03-22T19:56:00.002+08:00

My mood are always determine by the periods of the years
Especially April,June and September...
Some memories are able to wash away within a short period
While some memories might unable to wash away within your life time
and the only thing u can do was to use your next life to repay

Although AJ told mi that I got nothing to do with the 6years ago situation
But I still feel guilty...after all this thing was cause by mi
If those thing did not happen....I think my secondary school life will be much more better
But there's mothing I can do about it

It has been two years that I did not went to Bishan to see him personally
Either do I pray go there pray
How "bu xiao" I am....
Coz I don't deserve to go there..
Is I am the one that cause this family to become bit and pieces...
So I should be responsible for this...

In order to take this responsible...I don think I turn up for this years
I think Ah Gong also don want to see mi
After all these things happened...I also got no face to see him
Plus he will be more angry to see my current state
A person that are not happy pretend to be happy
He will angry until burst...
The only hope is I would like to dream of him
Even 5mins also can...
I just want my love one to be by my side and let mi cry out...
It's really tiring to let all these tears flow back to my heart
And take a lot of courage to face the fact...

阿公
我不知道你还在生我的气吗。。。可是请原谅我得不孝。
娟娟会永远的爱你

Swollen

2011-03-19T22:38:00.003+08:00

Swollen eyes for two weeks...
OMG...How am I going to go out or class?

Went to consult doctor the day before
and doctor eventually sae my eyes got inflection
Hais...
More worse...now my eyes getting more and more swollen
Hais
Monday still go sch...How am I going to town with these swollen eyes...
Ytd when go to CWP...the people around mi are looking at my eyes
I bet my eyes make mi look ugly:(
Gotta to wear sunglasses from now onwards until my eyes are recover

K-ing

2011-03-14T20:07:00.002+08:00

Ytd was the fun and exciting day for my cousins,bro and mi.
First we meet at marsiling mrt and headed to orchard together
When we reach Orchard...It was raining cats and dogs
So no choice we need to get caught in the rain as we did not bring umbrella
Den we sing from 11-5 at K Scape
The song system was good and we had a lot of fun singing
After our K session...headed to Wheelock for our dinner
Had our dinner at Wendy and do a lot of chit chatting
It has been a while since our last meet
And I hope that we can meet again soon
^^

relatives

2011-03-11T00:25:00.002+08:00

It been a long time that I have not seen my relatives le
My grand-aunt and cousin aunt coming to S'pore to visit us
Today(Thur) is the last day to with us before they return back to Australia
Had a lot of fun chit chatting together
But I nv get to go out with them...
Coming friday is the day that they return to Australia...
Hope they will have a save trip
I will miss you...
Looking forwards to your next visit:)

Skin Center

2011-03-08T22:21:00.003+08:00

It's been almost 2 weeks since my last blog
Haha
I'm been sick for almost 2 weeks due to my gastric
YAP...Body is calling for help...as past few days I been forcing myself to study in order to get my study mood yet
Went to consult my doctor and get scolded by him
As I also skip my meals after CNY in order to loss weight
Hais...

As for today...Went to Skin center to consult doctor due to my skin
Know the problem of my skins and found that I will totally recover...
I was upset...As i need to say good bye to beautiful skin
But really hope that the condition will get better
Then I can save money to go BIOSKIN to get rid of the ugly scars...
Haha

Within this two weeks...give mi the feeling that something had happen
I do not know what happen that make xxxxxxx treat mi in this way
I have not be seeing xxxxxxx for almost 2 weeks plus
Forcing myself not to do it even I pass-by coz I do not want to make this a habit
Until ytd I really can't take it...I went to see xxxxxxx and he treat mi this way
I did not ask for more...just to talk to mi or discuss abt our last topic
But xxxxxxx did nothing...

xxxxxxx is the one that change my thoughts that not all the zzzzzzz are the same
But right now xxxxxxx is the one that prove mi that all of them are the same
THere's nothing I can hope for/looking forwards
What xxxxxxx had told mi will not come true...
I will believe any of words that come out from them
Coz they always "said one thing do anther thing"
I'm really a fool for throwing myself out again
And I never do it again unless that person deserve it

Even I scared of darkness...I will surly find a way to escape it
By using Music or drama like what I always do
Even how scared I am for being alone...I still have my family with mi
I'm ready to be single all the way

SINGLES ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-27T00:49:00.003+08:00

Another day had passed
I wonder what is the life of human?
How to make life interesting or full of memories?
Why is it so difficult to get peace in this world?
I really don know?
This are the questions that appear in my mind each and every day
And I'm still looking for answers!!!

Just read a few of my sister's blog
Found that they had their own goals to achieve
But how about mi?
What is my goals?
Accountant?Sales Leader?Administrative?
I kind of lost....

I use to set my own goals well and move on with it
But since when I lost my track?
Since my family situation start?O level result release?
I'm not sure...
No matter what got to move on...

Even the road was not easy...
I still must go on...
There's no way I stop and looking back...

Similar concept apply to my relationship life
我不能永远守着活想着TianHuar
So is time to forget and move on
It's difficult for mi to forget him but no matter what I still must move on
Coz I cant stuck at here forever
But that does not mean I will start a new relationship

After all these years...I felt so tired that I'm so scared to be in a relationship
Sometime I rather those idol from Taiwan/Korea to be my BF
like wuzun...KHJ...Kim Bum...etc
Because they are the ones who will not hurt mi in reality^^

2011-02-23T00:23:00.002+08:00

Today just discuss with my aunt about family matter
Asking her whether there's a way of turning back
She sae don know and the decision is up to my uncle

What if my uncle decision is don't want united
There family will be bits and pieces
and distance with my cousins will be further and further
What can I do to help the family???
Feeling so helpless...

Happiness was once I have when I was child
The time when all my family members are there is what I called Happiness
But how about now????
I already forget the feeling of happiness...

If that yr I did not done anything...family will not end up in this status...

Looking Forward

2011-02-20T23:55:00.002+08:00

I'm so looking forward to Tuesday
Coz I will be going to Sentosa with 2 of my sisters
Haha...
Since last week I got the urge of going there
Haha
A place where contained a lot of my childhood memories with all my family members
As well as a place where TianHao hurt mi a lot...

Does that means that I have the courage to face everything?
My friends had been asking mi to go to Sentosa..
But I had rejected them coz I still don have the courage to have those sad memories that I have with TianHao at Sentosa
But how about how?
Suddenly got th eurge of going there...
HahA

Anyway...hope that Tuesday will not rain
And I going to relax and have fun with my sisters

2011-02-18T00:18:00.002+08:00

我今天到底发生什么事？
过马路，既然不看车
满脑子里都是在想家里的事
想来想去，还是找不到答案
总觉得好烦。。。
好想睡了，永远都不要起来
我知道大人的事，我不应该管
可是我不希望这个家散
不能做什么来补救呢?
这个家弄到这个地步，都是我的错
我也不想再有失去家人的痛苦了
总觉得我好没用

Feeling

2011-02-17T00:26:00.002+08:00

How am I going to describe my day?
I'm not sure...
I just know that I had a bad day today
Someone had treated mi like a fool
Go all the way down to compass point...yet I get nothing
I'm really a stupid and fool girl
It's the first time that I shout at her...
Izzit because I was too angry or my family problems?

Recently I really feel so tired...
Tired until I don want to wake up forever
Family situation was in a super huge mess...
And heard something that I should not hear
I'm her daughter...why she want to sae this to my relative...
If she dislike mi or hate mi that I cause my grandfather to passed away...
Den she can just tell straight to mi...
Yet she didn't
I already tried my very best to score well for O levels
But who really see my hard work???
Do u know how much I hurt after knowing all this things...
I want to get close to you...
But every time I try to get close...I'm surly get hurt
How am I going to get close...

I want to like other daughter...
Having girl talk,holding hands when shopping and etc...
But I can't...the main reason is I afraid of getting hurt...

At this point of time...I really wanted a person to be there with mi
But is impossible....Coz no one will like mi...
To mi...the word "Lonely" was the most scary word
Coz I afraid of being alone...I
I afraid of having myself in a room....
I even afraid of staying in a dark environment...
But what can I do?

People always said since I afraid of lonely
Why I don want to have bf...
And the ans that I gave of afraid...
This word can make a person feel stronger but at the same time it will make a person feel coward...
So who I am?

Valentine's Day

2011-02-15T00:11:00.006+08:00

How I'm going to describe this year Valentine's Day?
Awesome? Not so really...But simply love it^^

Early in the morning had celebrate Valentine's Day with lecturer
Coz having class for today...haha
Had my lunch with Selene and Chynna...
Den headed to orchard to do a bit of window shopping....
On the way...saw a lot of couples with roses on their hand
OMG...I really cant tahan sia...

Den headed to Marina Bay to wait for Ling and train back to Woodlands
On the train...do some chit chat...
And have Mac for our dinner and do a lot chit chatting
Really had a fun day with my sisters
Haha

Couples are celebrating Valentine's Day
But I'm celebrating friendship day...
So special
At least I get to spend my day with my sisters

But really had a fun day today....
Although it's alr over...
But I still wish everyone Happy Valentine day!!!

Why I saw him...my heart beats so fast?It's the first time that my hear beats so fast?
Lol

爱无限

2011-02-11T00:28:00.002+08:00

刚刚看完一部偶像，叫做爱无限
看了这部戏，我感到男女主角的痛
是以为我太入戏，还是另有原因？
我既让辉一边看一边哭。。。我不是发誓过说我不会哭了吗
为什么我的眼泪会不知不觉地掉下来

好像想起了往事。。。
这世上月下老人吗？真的有真爱吗？
中学的我，我回信在这个世上真的有真爱。。。
可是现在的我好像完完全全的不信这个世上真的有真爱。。。
是以为我还没遇到，还是我怕挨清理的那种痛？
我自己都不知道。。。唯一我知道的是我所面对的事好像是我的报应

报应我当年的不孝孙女，欺负同学的坏蛋，顽皮的女儿以及恨我妈妈如故的女儿
所以老天爷要让我皮肤永远都不会好，带走了我爷爷和奶奶让我感到内疚一辈子，让我孤孤单单过这每一天以及我喜欢的人永远都不会喜欢我

这一些我都认了。。。我也接受了

我已经没有快乐开心的权利了
这还不够吗？
为什么你还是那么残忍。。。然我面对家庭破碎的危机
这6年来我没有要求什么，每一天努力的拉我的全部的家人在一起，为了只是想要我的全部的家人能够永远的在一起
有这么难吗？

如果公公和奶奶还在我身边的话
他们肯定骂我傻，骂我为什么要认命，让命运来安排我的人身
可是同时他们会让我痛哭一场

老实说，这场战我打得好辛苦，好疲惫
好想睡了，永远都不要起来

Another Day

2011-02-10T00:08:00.002+08:00

Next Monday is Valentine's Day
Yet I hate the coming of that day coz I don know how how I going to spend it
That day was the most difficult to spend the whole day
Why must there be Valentine's Day?
Why there's no single Valentine for the singles one?

When I was in Secondary school...I surly spend my Valentine's day in sch for basketball training or north zone basketball tournament...
I really loves those people who set all these on that day coz I will not get to see couples on the street/mrt train...

But since I graduate from secondary...I started To hate Valentine's Day
Coz I will be spending the entire day at home facing the wall if I cant find activity for that day

2009-singing K with my buddies at party world
2010-staying at home facing the wall
2011-still a questions

I really don want to spend my Valentine's Day at home for this year
But who can I find?
Just hope the time will pass faster for this year Valentine's Day

Chinese New Year

2011-02-06T23:18:00.002+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to EVERYONE

Actually I hate this year CNY
coz I cant have a proper reunion dinner with my family
Plus the dishes that my parents had order are seafoods
Therefore dinner for this year is MAC
Hahas
As usual...First day go to my relative house den watch "Green Hornet" with my brothers
The nest day is to pay a visit with my relatives at my father side
The third day will be movie with sisters
Went to watch "Green Hornet 3D version" at Nex
After which headed to Have U Eaten Cafe for our dinner

As for today...
Watch AWEL 2011 at CWP
and had blagjack game at home with cousins and aunt
HahahAS
Finally I won blackjack game for this yr
Hahas
So happy that I had broke the spell as I always lost every time I play blackgame during CNY
Haha
^^

Raining

2011-01-31T00:01:00.002+08:00

Although I feel cold during raining day
But I love this kind of weather
as it will always give mi a feeling that they are by my side...
I miss them a lot...yet I cant get to see them...

Raining day always give mi courage,energy and power to face all the thing
I don know since when I declare that raining day is my day
But I can confirm that whenever I feel down...I just hope that it is a raining day
So that I no need to drop a single tears...
And even if I do...no one will get to see it coz I will walk in a rain without holding an umbrella
Especially now....I really need this kind of energy to face my family situation
I cant even imagine what the images are going to like on the new year eve
Without Big Aunt's family and Second Uncle's family...this kind of dinner is meaningless
I don know what had happen between the adult as it is beyond my control to ask
But I'm sure something serious is going to happen to mi and my entire family
Which I'm scared off...
I know that I'm going to face "this situation" in future
But I did not expect that I going to face it at the age of 19++

How can I be sure?
Coz my sixth sense told mi...
In the past I don believe my sixth sense
But lately I started to believe...as my sixth sense is getting more and more accurate especially those unlucky and unhappy things...

I just hope that no matter what happen between the adults
We can still be unnited as a big family
Coz every problem will have a solution but that does not apply to boy girl relationship...

Finally

2011-01-30T00:43:00.003+08:00

Finally I had brought all the items that I need for CNY
Hahas...
This year CNY is the most tiring and unhappy year that I had
Tiring is because I went to a lot of location to find my list opf items
Unhappy is due to my results for O level and posting,as well as my family
It's the first year that I will not get to eat dinner with Aj's family
Is this call "tuan yuan fan"?
For mi...my answer is NO
I just hope that this year is the first and the last time...
When I ask aunt about it?
She refuse to tell mi the reasons...
I don know why...
All I know was this situation was very complicated...
I failed to notice it and solve it earlier
If 6 years back,I nv did that thing...Den my family will not end up with this way
Hence,I must bare huge responsible for this sirtuation

CNY Shopping`

2011-01-28T00:09:00.002+08:00

After viewing ytd result...It really hurt
So decided to had a crazy shopping today
Although I alr decided to do shopping with Selene for today
But it's the first time I shop for heels like crazy
First stop was to city hall to acc Selene
Next was to fast east for heels
Hahas
Went to shop for all the shoes retail shop in fast east
But I only managed to get a pair of heels and a sandal
Haha
And my last stop was to Causeway point for plaster
Just in case my legs feel pain while wearing heel
Den plaster was a good choice for mi to prevent hurt
Haha

Although I still feel sad and hurt about ytd result
But I believe I will get use to it

Tml will be orchard day for mi with my aunt and cousin
Hope that crazy shopping will help my mind from thinking about ytd

Should I

2011-01-27T00:07:00.002+08:00

I think my destiny is remain as private student
All my hard work had gone to waste...and nothing was left for mi
Everyone told mi that as long as i put in hard work...my hard work will pay off
But I get nothing even though I had putted in my hard work
Why?Who can tell mi the reasons???

I once told myself that I can put any hopes on everything that I did
But I failed to do so!!!
I put in hope on my JPSAE applicaton...
Now what I get was unsuccessful
Did I done anything wrong???
Or it is my 报应 for what I did to my family many years ago???
If I never did that....my grandpa will not leave us and my family will be united as before
I really don't know how many sadness that I going to face in future
Sometime I really feel like giving up...
Giving up everything I have...my family,friends and education coz I 'm not sure whether I can hang in for how long

My family was in a huge mess and I felt lost
I does not know how to tell or answer to AJ
Now my JPSAE was unsuccessful...
Then what I going to face in future....

After seeing my result...I really feel like crying out
I really need a shoulder for mi to cry out all my unhappiness
And it remains mi of ALOY
Coz he is the first person who treat mi as his sister/brother
He always there for mi when I sad just like that time when I know that rTH don't like mi
he lend mi his shoulder for crying without any words

How I wish that today I have a shoulder for crying
And what I can do after my result was to hid inside the toilet to do my crying

Maybe is part of growing up in live ba

Hoping

2011-01-25T00:19:00.001+08:00

我好希望我家人能够像相片里一样。。。
一家人在一起
可是以及太迟了
我晚了一步。。。但我发现的时候，已经太迟了

如果这世上真的有时光机，我希望能回去2004年的时候
那时的我，笑得好开心，好喜欢每个星期天，因为是家庭日
对我而言可以和一家人过这那一天是一件好开心快乐的事
一起吃饭，一起玩，一起坐在客厅了谈天说笑和一起看电视机
是多么开心的事
也是我现在我想要的

我好戏往年除夕的团圆饭能够像照片里的一样
一家人坐在一起吃饭。。。可是奇迹会出现吗？
曾经有过一家人的感觉，我不好好地珍惜
现在失去了，我好后悔！！！

这几天，我发现我是一个没有用的人
我除了让我阿姨担心以外，我什么都帮不上忙
眼真真看这这各家散了，却什么忙都帮不上
我觉得我好没用
我除了希望其既能出现
我还能做什么？
谁能教教我？

Problems

2011-01-22T00:21:00.002+08:00

I'm been feeling annoying these few days
Dream that my entire family was gone,my parents really abandon mi and my JPSAE application was unsuccessful
Everytime I wake up was around 4-5plus...Which mean I can't even had a properly sleep
Doctor told mi to try to relax my mind and muscle
But How am I going to do it?
My family matter was in a huge mess....
My JPSAE result was still a questions
And my mum don even bother to talk to mi...

Both JPSAE result and CNY 's Eve are coming respectively
Yet I can't do anything about it...especially my family matter...
I does not want to see my family break into pieces...
But what can I do to save it???
By the time I notice that my parents do not want to call my uncle down for dinner...
It's alr too late:(
And how am I going to tell/face my cousins with this situation?

Should I go for the dinner on CNY's Eve?
Or should I just head to my cousin in law's pub without dinner?
Sometime I really don understand why it turn up to be this after many years of hard work that I putted in?
I already tried very hard to restore back the family after what I had did in 6years ago...
Yet it turn up to be pieces...
What can I do to restore it back?
Who can teach mi?

终于

2011-01-20T00:57:00.001+08:00

终于握税负我的阿姨来支持我了
可是我一点都不会感到开心
是不是因为最近发生的事呢？
我完完全全不知道
只知道我感到好烦！
因为家里发生太多时了，尤其是我跟我妈妈之间的事

有时我真的感觉到我不是我妈妈亲生的女儿
从小到大，这个感觉就是没有变到
就像最近发生的事，它可以教导我不是他的女儿
可是那又能代标什么呢？什么都不能代表？
因为我不知道要如何说起。。。
听到他对我阿姨所说的话，我真的不想再年除夕回家
就算我阿姨硬硬逼我回家，我也会等到他睡得之后才到家

有时我真的在想，如果淡出没有我的不小心，我的家会不会变成这样呢？
如果再年除夕的晚上，我的家人多不能局在一起的话，那团圆饭还有什么意义哦呢？
我真的不想吃今年的团圆饭。。。因为我得全家人都不在一起。。。
可是我又不能做什么

我头镇的好痛，人有好累
可是我又无能为力
真的感觉到我是一个没有用的人
你们会不会了解我的感受呢？
我只是想要但一个平凡的20岁的少女
回有这么难吗？？？

心痛

2011-01-16T19:49:00.004+08:00

我的心好痛
我没有想到你会这么说我
你总是想到你的面子，那你有没有想到我的感受？
我承认在金钱方面是我欠你
可是你到底要我这么做你才会开心？
我真的不知道。。。

今天你要我去巴刹帮你卖鱼
我都去了
可是我却得到的是我丢了你的脸，原因就是因为我的皮肤问题
你以为我想要我的皮肤这样的吗？
我不想要！！！
我想要和其他的女生一样，可以穿裙子出门，可以穿可爱的衣服
可是我不能，以为我的手脚皮肤
你懂吗?
每当我和朋友出去的时候，我有多羡慕那些在逛街的女生
我羡慕她们可以穿裙子逛街

以前的我，是很喜欢穿裙子逛街
自从我在小五的了这个皮肤病之后，我发现我不能穿裙子，我的心感到好痛
那时候跟你说我想要去看皮肤医生，你不给我钱看
而现在你却说我丢了你的脸，我的心好痛
你是生我出来的妈妈，可是你却对我说这些话

你知道吗。。。当我发现我得到这中皮肤病
我要花多大的勇气去面对人们的眼关
在学校的时候，总是给我的同学笑我
那时候的我，你懂我这样熬过来的吗？

你知道吗。。。我曾经好恨你
我恨你为什么把我生下来之后，你把我丢在阿姨家，然后自己出国玩
之后当弟弟出生后，你重男轻女。。。不管我的感受
当我长大后，我总是把我当成玩具
想到我的时候，就发现我的存在
不想我的时候，就丢我在一边
几乎每一年，你都忘记我的生日

在中二的时候，因为我的不小心
你不让我去医院见阿公的最后一面
你知道那时候，我在责怪我自己吗？

好不容易我把那些仇恨给收藏起来
想要好好的拉进我们之间的距离，你却对我说这些话
那你有没有想到我的感受

那你懂不懂为什么我到现在我都不敢谈一场恋爱吗
不是应为阿姨的反对或是没时间，还是应为我感到累了
是应为我的皮肤
我没有勇气或力量去面对那些男生对我的眼关
我好怕当对方要跟我分手的原因是因为我的皮肤不好

所以真到现在，我连想都不要想就拒绝那些男孩子
就算他们对我说他们会等，我都不会相信
因为男生总是说一套做一套

2011-01-14T21:57:00.002+08:00

Even Since after I received my O level result
I had not been sleeping well
My mind was all about JPSAE and DAE
I'm scared that these exercises might not be successful
But at the same time...I try to convince my aunt to support mi to join DAE
Without her support...I really don have the courage to face all the future things

Today is the closing date for JPSAE
Will I able to be call for interview for next week?
It still a question to mi...
If I will able to get into poly...
I will able fulfill my own goal and my parents hope
I really don want to let them down...
I also have the chance to stop my relative from bullying my father

These few night...I've been having nighmare
A nightmare that I was really fear of...
And every time I woke up...my tears are all dry...
I also realize that the only way to escape from those nightmare were
by the wake up call from my aunt,afraid until I wake up or stop myself from sleeping

I just hope that these nightmare will faster leave mi

Moody

2011-01-12T22:40:00.002+08:00

Even thought I had listed out all the solutions in order for mi to study
I was unable to get the moral support from my aunt
I know I still got 2 younger brothers to take care
But I don want to have any regrets in future
I also regret for not going to ITE after I received my 'N' Level and for not working hard in Sec 5
So I don want to have that feeling again...

Today just had another quarrel with my aunt as she disapprove mi for joining DAE
After the quarrel...I was so sad and angry that I leave house early
Hence I end-up at Causeway point for some shopping
Waited for Selene almost half an hour before headed to NYP

I should consider that today trip is to 散心 ba
When to NYP to do DAE admission and I had noticed that I had forgotten to print out the document
So no choice but go NYP again by tml

I also had make up my mind that I'm going to throw away all those thing s that relate to him
But one thing that I will not throw was the plush toy(tortoise) that he had given to mi coz I need to hug it every night before I go to sleep
Hence I had throw away the diary that I had written 3yrs back

Aft which headed to Novena with Ling and Selene
Had our lunch at Novena Square and do a lot of chit chat
Den headed to NYP again to slack...

Anyway after the trip
I felt much more better
Although my aunt don support mi
But I still have my friends,sisters,buddy and AJ to support mi
Thanks to u guys...I had the courage to do what I want....
I know that I cannot put too much hope on JPSAE and DAE
But I still hope that My JPSAE/DAE will be successful

hopeless

2011-01-11T20:11:00.002+08:00

Why my aunt don give mi any support
My aunt disapprove mi to join DAE and JPSAE
She think that is the waste of time for doing all this
And sae once is failed mean is failed...I must accept the fact and drop the idea of going to Poly

I really want to go to poly
But I don get any support from them
Does they really know the feeling
Since Sec three...my goal is to go to poly
But I had miss the golden period when I was in Sec 5
I really regret for what I did in Sec 5
I know I did not work really hard in Sec 5...
But I try my best for the last three month before O level
I did blame myself that I get E8 for English in 2 yrs back
Coz I deserve it

But how about now....
I really work hard for English
It the first time that I study really hard for English
But what I get was E8....How am I going to accept the fact...

The moment I saw the "Eight" on the screen
I felt lost...
All my hopes and plans had gone into thick air...
And there's nothing I can do to change the grade
So u know that feeling?
This year is the last chance that I had in order for mi to go Poly through JAE
But I had alr lost the chance

Right now...
The only hope I had was DAE and JPSAE
But I non of the support from my aunt
I really feel like crying out
But what can I do?
I still feel very lost abt it...

O Level Result 2011

2011-01-10T19:38:00.004+08:00

I don even fall asleep for the entire night
If I do...also one/two hrs as I could heard my brother going to sch in the morning

Today was the start of my CAT class and the release of O level result
Yet I don have the start school mood...
In the morning...I felt worry and scared
Even in the class...I also can't concentrate on my lesson...
Worry...scared...nervous were the feeling that I had that time...
Right after my CAT class....I felt scared and nervous until I cry
I even don dare to view my result

I dialed HP no to talk thinking that will stop my nervous
But I felt more scared than before
I even sms my cousin,aj...my best buddy Aloy and selene...
Only Aj and Aloy reply mi...
They tried to gave mi the courage and calm mi down
Really thanks....
Den my brother also help mi by viewing my result...
The moment he told mi that I got a E8 for english...
I felt very lost...as E8 in English lead mi to no where
After which I hid myself in the toilet to do all my crying...

Right now...
The only thing that I can do was not to put too much hope on DAE...
Even I feel like crying...it also willnot change the E8 to D7/C6...

Thank you Aloy,AJ,HP,Ling,Selene,Chynna,KH,QP and Jane for the encouragement and the courage that had given mi...
Although up till now...I feel like crying but I know I will be back to normal within 2-3days...
So don worry

Event

2011-01-09T12:51:00.003+08:00

Ytd wake up early in the morning to go for a morning run
It's time to go for jogging in order to loss weight
Hais
It's been almost 4 yrs I had not been running the moment I reach Sec 5
Ytd was the first time to run out of the 4 yrs
But I did not expect I will feel the muscle pain on my both legs after the run
This is the consequence for not doing a single running within the 4 yrs and nv do warm-up/stretching
HahaS
Just hope the muscle pain will go off by Tue as I need to do running on Wed morning

In the afternnon...headed to NYP's open house with my bro
Our first stop was Business School which both of us are interested in
But after hearing what the lecturer had told us...
I really can't put any hope in going to the business school
Coz the Cut-off-point was too high for mi

Next we headed to the IT school
Den I noticed that I might got a chance to enter into 2 course
But must provided that I must get a passed in my English and B3 for my POA
Hais....
Should I put hopes in it...
I'm really afraid that the result that I going to get was a failed

Tml is the day that I will receive my result
It's been a few days that I did not had a good sleep
as I always had dreams that happened 3 yres back when I received my O level result the first time...
I 'm really afraid that I will had the same feeling for tml
But I can't do anything about it but to sit and wait
It's beyond my control just similar to my family problem

As for my family problems
I really can't find any solution to solve it
And finally I came to a decision...
If really my family are not back together in CNY Eve...I will not go for the dinner
I know it's sound hurting...But really I don't want to see or think about what the image is going to be when half of my family members are not around
I know the decision that I had made was selfish and give-up hope
But I really can't find any other ways to solve all these things
I felt tired already and I want to put a stop to it...
I also will feel hurt and sad when I saw this
But I hope they will understand my feeling...coz I don want myself to drop any single tears

If I drop my tears again
It will shown how weak I am...
I don want to be a weak person...
I want to be a strong person...

Helpless

2011-01-06T22:33:00.002+08:00

Recently something happened to my god sis
I wanted to help her...but I felt so helpless
Coz I know the feeling and we must over come it by ourselves
There's no one we can depend on except on ourselves
Hope she will be alright and contact mi asap as I was worried abt her
I know she will overcome it faster as mi as she is much more stronger than mi

Today went to poly open house...
Went to NP with Selene today and Chynna is our road guide
Hahas
Asking abt the entry requirement coz I'm thinking of using CAT cert to enter if my COP cant meet its requirement
But after asking...it seem that I cannot not put any hope to on it
Does that means that I must give up the though of entering poly when I cant meet the requirement
I'm not sure about it

Anyway towards O Level result will be 4 days more
I felt scared and worried
I even can't have a proper sleep with my mind thinking about the outcome

From the start of 2011...
Not a single good things happened to mi
And now I even lost a job that I really enjoy it a lot
I like the job as Finance Assistant
But there nothing I can do when the company said that they can't afford to hire a staff that can only work three days a week...
I really want to find a part time job in order to stable the finance problem
But my aunt don allow mi...
Hais...
Just hope in future everything will be alright

I just felt very tired with everything happened around mi
I lost my precious friendship with Ling,Lost my job and etc
So is time I put a stop to it...
I felt very restless and tired
Everything is beyond my control...
And all I can do was to let fate to decide
Right now...the only thing that I can work hard was to reunited my family again

是你的就是你的
注定的就是注定的
我们不能去改变然合事
唯一能做的事就是学这去接受

Back to FUSS

2011-01-05T22:19:00.004+08:00

Today went to watch movie alone
Haha
It's the second time...
Anyway the movie was nice and funny
Haha
Den went to Popular to buy stationery for my sch start which is next week
HahA

Suddenly got a urge to return back to FUSS...
So went back around 4plus
Luckly I get see my teachers...
Like Mrlim,Ms Thia,Mdm Rohizah,Mr Raja,Mrs Wong and Mdm Marjubee
Haha
Just get to know that Mr Chong had leave FUSS
Hai...He was a good GP that I had in Sec 5
He ne ver give up on mi even though I had give up on myself
In fact he tried to create a lot of study session for our class at night time
And even spend his money to buy storybook for our class
Thanks Mr Chong...
Although got a time I really dislike u coz about what u had told to my mum
But I know you are a good GP...
Thanks You

Anyway I was so happy that Mrs Wong had praise mi
Haha...
You are right...the Mrs Wong who I referring to was Our DM
Haha
She praise mi that I look more mature compared to those days when I was in sch
Haha...
Thanks Mrs Wong

Kinda miss the barely drink in school
So went to visit the drink stall uncle
Haha...
He make a barely drink for mi
Thanks...
He also sae that I losing weight a lot
Haha
Actually I don really think so
In fact I think that I gain weight
Nvm
Haha
He also told mi that he going to treat mi a meal
HAHA
Thanks...
But currently not free...must advance booking
Joking
HaHA

5more days to result...
HaIS...
So worried and scared!

First Time

2011-01-04T22:15:00.003+08:00

Today it was the first time that my mum at praise mi
I'm so happy
For the whole 19 yrs...It was the first time that she praise mi that I'm a good girl
Haha

I also on MC for 2 days
Coz this few days my fever keep on coming on and off
So went to see doctor
She told mi that it was due to stress level
So she gave mi some medicine to bring my stress level and relax my muscle
But how am I going to relax myself?
Result is releasing next week that fall Monday-Wednesday plus I still can figure a way to solve my family problem
Hais
I really scared that I cant make it this time round even shifu told mi that I can make it
Aunt ask mi to relax as she was worried abt mi
Hais
What if this time round I fail again?
How am I going to ans to my mum?to myself? or even solve one of the family problem?
好烦

First Post for 2011

2011-01-02T14:15:00.002+08:00

The start of 2011 was tiring
Coz there are a lot of unsettle things that I can't find any solutions to solve it
I'm scared that which I most worried about will actually come true
If it's really come true...what am I going to do???
I just want my family to be united again...it is so difficult to fulfill???

I totally lost all my dreams and hope
I once told to myself that I live for myself...not for others
But how about now???
I know my future job is I want to be accountant...
But if I really can fulfill it and my family is not there with mi
What's the point...

I had waste a lot of time for not working hard to united my family for past one month plus
And now is the consequence for ignoring all those things for past few weeks

So I had decided to build a more stronger and harder wall in my heart
in order to prevent myself from feeling the same hurt again
That is the only think I can do for myself...

No matter how tired I am
I still must hhang in there
Coz that is my job...my responsibility and my duties...

^^Jan^^

Heineken Time

真正爱一个人的时候，而那个人也不爱你你会觉得和辛苦

JWJ's 20th Birthday

Boring and Hot Sunday

Mr Popper's Penguins

Angry

Sentosa

Another Day

X-Men :First Class

Singing

Buddy gathering

Thinking

Finally

After Exam

Again

Relax

Mother's Day 2011

Boring

Temple

Difficult Thing

Mood Changing

Swollen

K-ing

relatives

Skin Center

Looking Forward

Feeling

Valentine's Day

爱无限

Another Day

Chinese New Year

Raining

Finally

CNY Shopping`

Should I

Hoping

Problems

终于

心痛

Moody

hopeless

O Level Result 2011

Event

Helpless

Back to FUSS

First Time

First Post for 2011

真正爱一个人的时候，而那个人也不爱你
你会觉得和辛苦