Biography

The name is Jan. I was borned in the season of winter with the age of 20. I'm similar to Rapunzel that was being kept at Woodlands areas waiting for my prince to rescue mi but up till now I still haven't meet one. I'm in love with Kim Hyun Joong, Jang Keun Suk and Lee Hong Gi . And, abit of Derrick Hoh. They're famous, like obviously you'll know who they are. I'm a die-hard fan of White, Black and Purple. Not much of Pink. Television, Music and Dramas are my three best friends, they're always by my side whenever I need them. My greatest enemies are Enzyme, Backstabber, Hypocrite and latecomers. I hate them alot. World would be such better place without them all. To me, Dreams are always sweet like eating a desserts. But Reality is like playing an adventure games that need to go through every level for your entire life.

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Mediabox

"We do not know how many years we can live,
As long as u are still in this world
You must enjoy every seconds "

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Sweetdesires

Did I hear someone said "sing" or "watch"?

Score well for all my CAT papers
Slim down
Iphone 3GS
Able to wear skirts/dresses
Beloved ones to be happy
Wonderful 20th Birthday
Iphone 5

Linksboard

Meet the people I love♥

Aloysious AJ Amily AnQi
Blogshop BingMing ChewFong Chynna
Doreen Elaine Eunice HuanLing
HuiBin HuiWen Jane Jasmine
Jon KianAnn Kira LiBing
Nicholas PeiYi Priscilla QiuPing
Shermen SiewLan Wendy WenJun

Pastentries

Are you sure you want to turn back the time and read about my past?

♥ February 2009
♥ March 2009
♥ April 2009
♥ May 2009
♥ June 2009
♥ July 2009
♥ August 2009
♥ September 2009
♥ October 2009
♥ November 2009
♥ December 2009
♥ January 2010
♥ February 2010
♥ March 2010
♥ April 2010
♥ May 2010
♥ June 2010
♥ July 2010
♥ August 2010
♥ September 2010
♥ October 2010
♥ November 2010
♥ December 2010
♥ January 2011
♥ February 2011
♥ March 2011
♥ April 2011
♥ May 2011
♥ June 2011
♥ July 2011
♥ August 2011
♥ September 2011
♥ October 2011
♥ November 2011
♥ December 2011
♥ January 2012
♥ February 2012
♥ March 2012
♥ November 2015

Creditorials

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Monday, January 31, 2011

Although I feel cold during raining day
But I love this kind of weather
as it will always give mi a feeling that they are by my side...
I miss them a lot...yet I cant get to see them...

Raining day always give mi courage,energy and power to face all the thing
I don know since when I declare that raining day is my day
But I can confirm that whenever I feel down...I just hope that it is a raining day
So that I no need to drop a single tears...
And even if I do...no one will get to see it coz I will walk in a rain without holding an umbrella
Especially now....I really need this kind of energy to face my family situation
I cant even imagine what the images are going to like on the new year eve
Without Big Aunt's family and Second Uncle's family...this kind of dinner is meaningless
I don know what had happen between the adult as it is beyond my control to ask
But I'm sure something serious is going to happen to mi and my entire family
Which I'm scared off...
I know that I'm going to face "this situation" in future
But I did not expect that I going to face it at the age of 19++

How can I be sure?
Coz my sixth sense told mi...
In the past I don believe my sixth sense
But lately I started to believe...as my sixth sense is getting more and more accurate especially those unlucky and unhappy things...

I just hope that no matter what happen between the adults
We can still be unnited as a big family
Coz every problem will have a solution but that does not apply to boy girl relationship...

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Finally I had brought all the items that I need for CNY
Hahas...
This year CNY is the most tiring and unhappy year that I had
Tiring is because I went to a lot of location to find my list opf items
Unhappy is due to my results for O level and posting,as well as my family
It's the first year that I will not get to eat dinner with Aj's family
Is this call "tuan yuan fan"?
For mi...my answer is NO
I just hope that this year is the first and the last time...
When I ask aunt about it?
She refuse to tell mi the reasons...
I don know why...
All I know was this situation was very complicated...
I failed to notice it and solve it earlier
If 6 years back,I nv did that thing...Den my family will not end up with this way
Hence,I must bare huge responsible for this sirtuation

Friday, January 28, 2011

After viewing ytd result...It really hurt
So decided to had a crazy shopping today
Although I alr decided to do shopping with Selene for today
But it's the first time I shop for heels like crazy
First stop was to city hall to acc Selene
Next was to fast east for heels
Hahas
Went to shop for all the shoes retail shop in fast east
But I only managed to get a pair of heels and a sandal
Haha
And my last stop was to Causeway point for plaster
Just in case my legs feel pain while wearing heel
Den plaster was a good choice for mi to prevent hurt
Haha

Although I still feel sad and hurt about ytd result
But I believe I will get use to it

Tml will be orchard day for mi with my aunt and cousin
Hope that crazy shopping will help my mind from thinking about ytd

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I think my destiny is remain as private student
All my hard work had gone to waste...and nothing was left for mi
Everyone told mi that as long as i put in hard work...my hard work will pay off
But I get nothing even though I had putted in my hard work
Why?Who can tell mi the reasons???

I once told myself that I can put any hopes on everything that I did
But I failed to do so!!!
I put in hope on my JPSAE applicaton...
Now what I get was unsuccessful
Did I done anything wrong???
Or it is my 报应 for what I did to my family many years ago???
If I never did that....my grandpa will not leave us and my family will be united as before
I really don't know how many sadness that I going to face in future
Sometime I really feel like giving up...
Giving up everything I have...my family,friends and education coz I 'm not sure whether I can hang in for how long

My family was in a huge mess and I felt lost
I does not know how to tell or answer to AJ
Now my JPSAE was unsuccessful...
Then what I going to face in future....

After seeing my result...I really feel like crying out
I really need a shoulder for mi to cry out all my unhappiness
And it remains mi of ALOY
Coz he is the first person who treat mi as his sister/brother
He always there for mi when I sad just like that time when I know that rTH don't like mi
he lend mi his shoulder for crying without any words

How I wish that today I have a shoulder for crying
And what I can do after my result was to hid inside the toilet to do my crying

Maybe is part of growing up in live ba

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Saturday, January 22, 2011

I'm been feeling annoying these few days
Dream that my entire family was gone,my parents really abandon mi and my JPSAE application was unsuccessful
Everytime I wake up was around 4-5plus...Which mean I can't even had a properly sleep
Doctor told mi to try to relax my mind and muscle
But How am I going to do it?
My family matter was in a huge mess....
My JPSAE result was still a questions
And my mum don even bother to talk to mi...

Both JPSAE result and CNY 's Eve are coming respectively
Yet I can't do anything about it...especially my family matter...
I does not want to see my family break into pieces...
But what can I do to save it???
By the time I notice that my parents do not want to call my uncle down for dinner...
It's alr too late:(
And how am I going to tell/face my cousins with this situation?

Should I go for the dinner on CNY's Eve?
Or should I just head to my cousin in law's pub without dinner?
Sometime I really don understand why it turn up to be this after many years of hard work that I putted in?
I already tried very hard to restore back the family after what I had did in 6years ago...
Yet it turn up to be pieces...
What can I do to restore it back?
Who can teach mi?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

终于握税负我的阿姨来支持我了
可是我一点都不会感到开心
是不是因为最近发生的事呢？
我完完全全不知道
只知道我感到好烦！
因为家里发生太多时了，尤其是我跟我妈妈之间的事

有时我真的感觉到我不是我妈妈亲生的女儿
从小到大，这个感觉就是没有变到
就像最近发生的事，它可以教导我不是他的女儿
可是那又能代标什么呢？什么都不能代表？
因为我不知道要如何说起。。。
听到他对我阿姨所说的话，我真的不想再年除夕回家
就算我阿姨硬硬逼我回家，我也会等到他睡得之后才到家

有时我真的在想，如果淡出没有我的不小心，我的家会不会变成这样呢？
如果再年除夕的晚上，我的家人多不能局在一起的话，那团圆饭还有什么意义哦呢？
我真的不想吃今年的团圆饭。。。因为我得全家人都不在一起。。。
可是我又不能做什么

我头镇的好痛，人有好累
可是我又无能为力
真的感觉到我是一个没有用的人
你们会不会了解我的感受呢？
我只是想要但一个平凡的20岁的少女
回有这么难吗？？？

Sunday, January 16, 2011

我的心好痛
我没有想到你会这么说我
你总是想到你的面子，那你有没有想到我的感受？
我承认在金钱方面是我欠你
可是你到底要我这么做你才会开心？
我真的不知道。。。

今天你要我去巴刹帮你卖鱼
我都去了
可是我却得到的是我丢了你的脸，原因就是因为我的皮肤问题
你以为我想要我的皮肤这样的吗？
我不想要！！！
我想要和其他的女生一样，可以穿裙子出门，可以穿可爱的衣服
可是我不能，以为我的手脚皮肤
你懂吗?
每当我和朋友出去的时候，我有多羡慕那些在逛街的女生
我羡慕她们可以穿裙子逛街

以前的我，是很喜欢穿裙子逛街
自从我在小五的了这个皮肤病之后，我发现我不能穿裙子，我的心感到好痛
那时候跟你说我想要去看皮肤医生，你不给我钱看
而现在你却说我丢了你的脸，我的心好痛
你是生我出来的妈妈，可是你却对我说这些话

你知道吗。。。当我发现我得到这中皮肤病
我要花多大的勇气去面对人们的眼关
在学校的时候，总是给我的同学笑我
那时候的我，你懂我这样熬过来的吗？

你知道吗。。。我曾经好恨你
我恨你为什么把我生下来之后，你把我丢在阿姨家，然后自己出国玩
之后当弟弟出生后，你重男轻女。。。不管我的感受
当我长大后，我总是把我当成玩具
想到我的时候，就发现我的存在
不想我的时候，就丢我在一边
几乎每一年，你都忘记我的生日

在中二的时候，因为我的不小心
你不让我去医院见阿公的最后一面
你知道那时候，我在责怪我自己吗？

好不容易我把那些仇恨给收藏起来
想要好好的拉进我们之间的距离，你却对我说这些话
那你有没有想到我的感受

那你懂不懂为什么我到现在我都不敢谈一场恋爱吗
不是应为阿姨的反对或是没时间，还是应为我感到累了
是应为我的皮肤
我没有勇气或力量去面对那些男生对我的眼关
我好怕当对方要跟我分手的原因是因为我的皮肤不好

所以真到现在，我连想都不要想就拒绝那些男孩子
就算他们对我说他们会等，我都不会相信
因为男生总是说一套做一套

Friday, January 14, 2011

Even Since after I received my O level result
I had not been sleeping well
My mind was all about JPSAE and DAE
I'm scared that these exercises might not be successful
But at the same time...I try to convince my aunt to support mi to join DAE
Without her support...I really don have the courage to face all the future things

Today is the closing date for JPSAE
Will I able to be call for interview for next week?
It still a question to mi...
If I will able to get into poly...
I will able fulfill my own goal and my parents hope
I really don want to let them down...
I also have the chance to stop my relative from bullying my father

These few night...I've been having nighmare
A nightmare that I was really fear of...
And every time I woke up...my tears are all dry...
I also realize that the only way to escape from those nightmare were
by the wake up call from my aunt,afraid until I wake up or stop myself from sleeping

I just hope that these nightmare will faster leave mi

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Even thought I had listed out all the solutions in order for mi to study
I was unable to get the moral support from my aunt
I know I still got 2 younger brothers to take care
But I don want to have any regrets in future
I also regret for not going to ITE after I received my 'N' Level and for not working hard in Sec 5
So I don want to have that feeling again...

Today just had another quarrel with my aunt as she disapprove mi for joining DAE
After the quarrel...I was so sad and angry that I leave house early
Hence I end-up at Causeway point for some shopping
Waited for Selene almost half an hour before headed to NYP

I should consider that today trip is to 散心 ba
When to NYP to do DAE admission and I had noticed that I had forgotten to print out the document
So no choice but go NYP again by tml

I also had make up my mind that I'm going to throw away all those thing s that relate to him
But one thing that I will not throw was the plush toy(tortoise) that he had given to mi coz I need to hug it every night before I go to sleep
Hence I had throw away the diary that I had written 3yrs back

Aft which headed to Novena with Ling and Selene
Had our lunch at Novena Square and do a lot of chit chat
Den headed to NYP again to slack...

Anyway after the trip
I felt much more better
Although my aunt don support mi
But I still have my friends,sisters,buddy and AJ to support mi
Thanks to u guys...I had the courage to do what I want....
I know that I cannot put too much hope on JPSAE and DAE
But I still hope that My JPSAE/DAE will be successful

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Why my aunt don give mi any support
My aunt disapprove mi to join DAE and JPSAE
She think that is the waste of time for doing all this
And sae once is failed mean is failed...I must accept the fact and drop the idea of going to Poly

I really want to go to poly
But I don get any support from them
Does they really know the feeling
Since Sec three...my goal is to go to poly
But I had miss the golden period when I was in Sec 5
I really regret for what I did in Sec 5
I know I did not work really hard in Sec 5...
But I try my best for the last three month before O level
I did blame myself that I get E8 for English in 2 yrs back
Coz I deserve it

But how about now....
I really work hard for English
It the first time that I study really hard for English
But what I get was E8....How am I going to accept the fact...

The moment I saw the "Eight" on the screen
I felt lost...
All my hopes and plans had gone into thick air...
And there's nothing I can do to change the grade
So u know that feeling?
This year is the last chance that I had in order for mi to go Poly through JAE
But I had alr lost the chance

Right now...
The only hope I had was DAE and JPSAE
But I non of the support from my aunt
I really feel like crying out
But what can I do?
I still feel very lost abt it...

Monday, January 10, 2011

I don even fall asleep for the entire night
If I do...also one/two hrs as I could heard my brother going to sch in the morning

Today was the start of my CAT class and the release of O level result
Yet I don have the start school mood...
In the morning...I felt worry and scared
Even in the class...I also can't concentrate on my lesson...
Worry...scared...nervous were the feeling that I had that time...
Right after my CAT class....I felt scared and nervous until I cry
I even don dare to view my result

I dialed HP no to talk thinking that will stop my nervous
But I felt more scared than before
I even sms my cousin,aj...my best buddy Aloy and selene...
Only Aj and Aloy reply mi...
They tried to gave mi the courage and calm mi down
Really thanks....
Den my brother also help mi by viewing my result...
The moment he told mi that I got a E8 for english...
I felt very lost...as E8 in English lead mi to no where
After which I hid myself in the toilet to do all my crying...

Right now...
The only thing that I can do was not to put too much hope on DAE...
Even I feel like crying...it also willnot change the E8 to D7/C6...


Thank you Aloy,AJ,HP,Ling,Selene,Chynna,KH,QP and Jane for the encouragement and the courage that had given mi...
Although up till now...I feel like crying but I know I will be back to normal within 2-3days...
So don worry

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Ytd wake up early in the morning to go for a morning run
It's time to go for jogging in order to loss weight
Hais
It's been almost 4 yrs I had not been running the moment I reach Sec 5
Ytd was the first time to run out of the 4 yrs
But I did not expect I will feel the muscle pain on my both legs after the run
This is the consequence for not doing a single running within the 4 yrs and nv do warm-up/stretching
HahaS
Just hope the muscle pain will go off by Tue as I need to do running on Wed morning

In the afternnon...headed to NYP's open house with my bro
Our first stop was Business School which both of us are interested in
But after hearing what the lecturer had told us...
I really can't put any hope in going to the business school
Coz the Cut-off-point was too high for mi

Next we headed to the IT school
Den I noticed that I might got a chance to enter into 2 course
But must provided that I must get a passed in my English and B3 for my POA
Hais....
Should I put hopes in it...
I'm really afraid that the result that I going to get was a failed

Tml is the day that I will receive my result
It's been a few days that I did not had a good sleep
as I always had dreams that happened 3 yres back when I received my O level result the first time...
I 'm really afraid that I will had the same feeling for tml
But I can't do anything about it but to sit and wait
It's beyond my control just similar to my family problem

As for my family problems
I really can't find any solution to solve it
And finally I came to a decision...
If really my family are not back together in CNY Eve...I will not go for the dinner
I know it's sound hurting...But really I don't want to see or think about what the image is going to be when half of my family members are not around
I know the decision that I had made was selfish and give-up hope
But I really can't find any other ways to solve all these things
I felt tired already and I want to put a stop to it...
I also will feel hurt and sad when I saw this
But I hope they will understand my feeling...coz I don want myself to drop any single tears

If I drop my tears again
It will shown how weak I am...
I don want to be a weak person...
I want to be a strong person...

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Recently something happened to my god sis
I wanted to help her...but I felt so helpless
Coz I know the feeling and we must over come it by ourselves
There's no one we can depend on except on ourselves
Hope she will be alright and contact mi asap as I was worried abt her
I know she will overcome it faster as mi as she is much more stronger than mi

Today went to poly open house...
Went to NP with Selene today and Chynna is our road guide
Hahas
Asking abt the entry requirement coz I'm thinking of using CAT cert to enter if my COP cant meet its requirement
But after asking...it seem that I cannot not put any hope to on it
Does that means that I must give up the though of entering poly when I cant meet the requirement
I'm not sure about it

Anyway towards O Level result will be 4 days more
I felt scared and worried
I even can't have a proper sleep with my mind thinking about the outcome

From the start of 2011...
Not a single good things happened to mi
And now I even lost a job that I really enjoy it a lot
I like the job as Finance Assistant
But there nothing I can do when the company said that they can't afford to hire a staff that can only work three days a week...
I really want to find a part time job in order to stable the finance problem
But my aunt don allow mi...
Hais...
Just hope in future everything will be alright

I just felt very tired with everything happened around mi
I lost my precious friendship with Ling,Lost my job and etc
So is time I put a stop to it...
I felt very restless and tired
Everything is beyond my control...
And all I can do was to let fate to decide
Right now...the only thing that I can work hard was to reunited my family again

是你的就是你的
注定的就是注定的
我们不能去改变然合事
唯一能做的事就是学这去接受

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Today went to watch movie alone
Haha
It's the second time...
Anyway the movie was nice and funny
Haha
Den went to Popular to buy stationery for my sch start which is next week
HahA

Suddenly got a urge to return back to FUSS...
So went back around 4plus
Luckly I get see my teachers...
Like Mrlim,Ms Thia,Mdm Rohizah,Mr Raja,Mrs Wong and Mdm Marjubee
Haha
Just get to know that Mr Chong had leave FUSS
Hai...He was a good GP that I had in Sec 5
He ne ver give up on mi even though I had give up on myself
In fact he tried to create a lot of study session for our class at night time
And even spend his money to buy storybook for our class
Thanks Mr Chong...
Although got a time I really dislike u coz about what u had told to my mum
But I know you are a good GP...
Thanks You

Anyway I was so happy that Mrs Wong had praise mi
Haha...
You are right...the Mrs Wong who I referring to was Our DM
Haha
She praise mi that I look more mature compared to those days when I was in sch
Haha...
Thanks Mrs Wong

Kinda miss the barely drink in school
So went to visit the drink stall uncle
Haha...
He make a barely drink for mi
Thanks...
He also sae that I losing weight a lot
Haha
Actually I don really think so
In fact I think that I gain weight
Nvm
Haha
He also told mi that he going to treat mi a meal
HAHA
Thanks...
But currently not free...must advance booking
Joking
HaHA

5more days to result...
HaIS...
So worried and scared!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Today it was the first time that my mum at praise mi
I'm so happy
For the whole 19 yrs...It was the first time that she praise mi that I'm a good girl
Haha

I also on MC for 2 days
Coz this few days my fever keep on coming on and off
So went to see doctor
She told mi that it was due to stress level
So she gave mi some medicine to bring my stress level and relax my muscle
But how am I going to relax myself?
Result is releasing next week that fall Monday-Wednesday plus I still can figure a way to solve my family problem
Hais
I really scared that I cant make it this time round even shifu told mi that I can make it
Aunt ask mi to relax as she was worried abt mi
Hais
What if this time round I fail again?
How am I going to ans to my mum?to myself? or even solve one of the family problem?
好烦

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The start of 2011 was tiring
Coz there are a lot of unsettle things that I can't find any solutions to solve it
I'm scared that which I most worried about will actually come true
If it's really come true...what am I going to do???
I just want my family to be united again...it is so difficult to fulfill???

I totally lost all my dreams and hope
I once told to myself that I live for myself...not for others
But how about now???
I know my future job is I want to be accountant...
But if I really can fulfill it and my family is not there with mi
What's the point...

I had waste a lot of time for not working hard to united my family for past one month plus
And now is the consequence for ignoring all those things for past few weeks

So I had decided to build a more stronger and harder wall in my heart
in order to prevent myself from feeling the same hurt again
That is the only think I can do for myself...

No matter how tired I am
I still must hhang in there
Coz that is my job...my responsibility and my duties...