Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Finally English paper had finished
But I hope that my ans will be sending Cambridge for marking
I did not expect that the bus was late and can't find a single cab
I was horrified that I can't sit for the paper
So I went around to look for cab like a crazy woman with tears all over my face
Finally my uncle helped mi to get mi to exam hall
Thanks Uncle
Now I down with POA paper
And this is the paper that I can depend on
as it is base on calculation
All the best to mi
But Honesty specking
I still worried abt my English paper
Let hope everything will be fine
♥our day is full of surprise
11:43:00 PM
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Tml is my English Paper
Feeling so stress up....
I does not know what topic/format is going to come out for Essay and Letter writing
I really hope that the essay topic is a story that I had memorized
It was not just the first time time that I feel so stress
2yrs back...I cant even sleep due to stress
I'm really scare that I will fail again
I want to go Poly and fulfill my parents wish
I don want my relatives to look down on mi and bully my father
AJ told mi to use "ping chang xin" to face it
But I told him I scare that I cant make it
AJ was the one who understand more than anyone else
He comfort mi and told mi that I can make it
Even my buddy, Jon also told mi to have confident in myself
I hope and pray that I can make it this time round
I also hope that tml will also have a heavy rain just like ytd
As sometimes raining day give mi the feeling that my grandpa and granny are beside mi
:)
Wish mi Good luck for tml^^
♥our day is full of surprise
12:32:00 AM
Friday, October 22, 2010
GOOD NEWS
I did not have the same nightmares
Is it due to other reasons
But I know that the pain has not gone yet
I feel much better every time I chat with my friends
Maybe that mi
I scare of being alone
Similar to I scare of staying in dark
Every night I need my Hi-5
just to put mi to sleep
Now I just hope there's nothing going to happen
before my exams
English Paper is in 3-4 days time
That is the reason that I feel so stress
Stress til I suffered from Gastric Flu
To mi Gastric Flu was a serious illness
as it will takes more than a week to recover
Similar to my current situation
Up till now
I still not fully recover
Because sometime my gastric pain mi until I can't sleep
Went to see doctor for 2 times
But they suggest mi to go for a scan
I not sure whether I want to go or not
as it is quite expensive
Both
Mummy and Aunt are worried about mi
I not sure how I going to told them
But lie to them that I better better
even though I think I'm not
Sorry Mummy and Aunt
But through my past experiences
I think I will fully recover after my exams
Good Luck to mi
^^
♥our day is full of surprise
9:17:00 PM
Thursday, October 21, 2010
These few days had been crying non-stop
I just don know why...by I can feel the pain
It was really hurt...
But it need time to heal...
Now I wish that I will not have the similar nightmare again...
And I hope that the new Taiwan dramas will release faster
As Drama is one of the way to cheer mi up
JiaYou JiaYou JiaYou
♥our day is full of surprise
8:52:00 PM
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
English paper is in 5 days time
I had memorized 4 compo le
By right I should be happy
But why I'm not?
My gastric still pain mi like hell
My mother had been worried about mi as
she call mi each and everyday just to ask my condition
I really don know what I can tell her
other than "Thanks you"
I had lost my appetite for almost a week
I just don feel like eating...
I don know whether I should go see doctor again
As for today
I totally break down
I can't even hand in a little longer...
My tears just flows out like no body business
I wish that they will be by my side
But that will never happen
Now who can I rely to?
I think only myself...
I been having nightmare continuously for a few months
Aunt been asking mi why I wake up so early
But I'm scared of telling her
so I kept in silent
How I wish everything will put a stop to it
♥our day is full of surprise
8:07:00 PM
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Why can everything happen on the same day
Cant even sleep for the whole night
So morning calls all my friends at 7plus
as we agree to meet up to study at library
Hence...we meet 9plus at civil
But the problem is I got not appetite to eat
No matter what I eat...I will vomit out
So the point of eating
Aft which all sae want to go RP to study
So we headed to RP
In the afternoon went back to causeway point for lunch
But I got no appetite...so only ate a bit
Den Chynna need to go off
Only left Selene,HP and mi
Went to shop shop a while
But got no mood to shop
Just walking around like a dead body
My mind was all about MSN thing
I just cant stop my mind from thinking
At evening...something happen to my aunt
I feeling so helpless to see her cry yet I cant cheer her up
as I also cant cheer myself up...
Why there is no fullstop in all these things?
♥our day is full of surprise
8:39:00 PM
Saturday, October 16, 2010
I really feel so tired
Why cant God just put a stop to all these
I'm been trying hard to go through everything that god has given mi
And even put hope on it
But now...do I still left an hopes
Everything that happened seem to be within a flash
So fast that I felt so lost
It is really an end?
I don knw....
I just know that I going collapse sooner or later
I been trying hard to be happy each and everyday
But still I failed at the end due to FS
All my mind just appear those things that happen on the previous night
Yet I cant do anything about it
I even dreamed that I was being trap in the dark forest and cant even come out
The place was pitch dark that I can imagine
It is means that I going to enter that world again
I don want to go back to that world again
But what can I do?
Crying non-stop and ask people to save mi
But the truth is there's no one will save mi
Not that I don have confident in my friends
But I have confident in myself
♥our day is full of surprise
11:19:00 PM
What am I doing?
I only left less than 2 weeks toward my O level
Yet I still worry about other things...
Had sleepless night...I cant even close my eyes
Whenever I close my eyes...those pictures will just appear in my mind without any notice
I cant even distract myself from thinking even I was studying
I notice my pillow was filled with pool of water when I tidy my bed
I just donno how to handle
I just want to slot all the misunderstanding with xxx...
and I didn't expect that it will end up with this
More than 10yrs of friendship are gone due to this
I once put a hope that xxx and mi can be back to those days that we use to be
But I was wrong...
and I didn't expect that xxx will told mi the same things what Doreen had told mi
Hi Bye friend is not I want to hear
Yet I heard it again from a different person
The pain in my heart was unrecoverable unless something has to be done
What are the things I can do?
distract it by studying?watching drama?or let it be
My tears just drop off from whenever my mind flash back
Both of them were telling mi the same things
But yet I still cant accept it
Went to library all by myself to study
Thinking that I will not recall anything about ytd online
But I was wrong...
While studying...My tears just drop...
I cant even control my tears from dropping...
And consistently I cry for half an hour
With my eye swollen and nose turning red
Thinking of going TS to see those CDs and Dvd will chang emy mood like it use to be
But end up nothing change in my mood
except my grastric become more pain...
♥our day is full of surprise
12:06:00 AM
Friday, October 15, 2010
Why are u so cruel to miU already took my grandparents away from mi and left mi alone in this worldU turn my family into jigsaw puzzle and want mi to fix it backU took the family bond away from miHow many things u want to take it away from mi?If u want to take,pls give mi time to prepare...why u just take it away from mi without notice miIf u alr predicted that I will end up with this...why cant u just let mi die off at the car accident 6 yrs backNow u happy...just leave mi alone suffering in this world all by myself
♥our day is full of surprise
1:34:00 AM
Thursday, October 14, 2010
It have been a hard time for mi in these few days
First...Gastric had been pain continuously for 3 weeks
Surprisingly I nv make noice to ask my aunt bring mi see doctor
Second...all my old friends start to come and look for mi
Third...I only left less than 2 weeks toward my O level
Hais
How can I not to be headache?
I also don knw what happen to mi in these few days
I just don feel like laughing
Everyday my mind just flash back my past
Those happy and unhappy days I had with my family
Every time when my mind flash back...my tears just drop off automatically
How am I going to control my tears from dropping?
Up till now...I still cant find the ans...
I know that grandparents wanted mi to be a strong gal
Don always reply on others or become a cry baby
But I just cant do it from internal
But I try it on external...
Will they be angry with mi?
I think they will
Coz all my happiness is just a act in front of people and friends
Who is the real mi?
I only knw that the friendly and scare of loneliness de 娟娟 is the real me
I once enter the world of loneliness 5yrs ago
and I want to enter that scary world again
A world that is full of darkness and will lost forever
That is the reason I like to mix around
I just hope that granny and grandpa will be there for mi when I feel down or stress
Just hope that tonight I will dream of them:)
娟娟 will always miss u no matter what
♥our day is full of surprise
11:37:00 PM
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
This few days really stress
Time is running out...
Exam is within 2 weeks time
I had a hard time choose my compo
Plus I think I gad neglect my POA
So no choose but to study my Eng and get on to POA
But next week must continue with my English
as the follow week is my English Paper
So must Jiayou jiayou jiayou
I cant let my mum feel disappointed again
Ytd went to Woodlands Ring Road to see my 2nd cousin
A area where all my wonder memories are kept
A area where I use to live
An area where my first and last birthday celebration are held
Back then, It was my most wonderful day
Relationship between my mum was a lot more better than now
Every Saturday...I will go back there with my siblings and aunt
And we will stay overnight
Until the next day...we went to coffee shop together and buy A&W fast foods
while my mum will buy my favorite food youtiao for my
But happy times will not stay long
The moment I was in Primary Three
My mum dislike us going back home
Hence...we dislike going home until now
Because of this...we are not so close like before
But now...I was glad that we are slightly close
No one actually know what I had been through
and why I hate going home
I got once hope that I want another birthday celebration together with my family
But I give up
Coz to mi current family is not what I want
and the only thing I can do for them was to restore it back
The reason why I want the whole family to back to normal
was I want to hear the laughing sound for every family day
as well as the living room fill with people
As that is the most happiness thing I have
If really god want mi to do some exchange
I will use all my valued things to exchange for this happiness
♥our day is full of surprise
8:34:00 PM
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I just don know why I felt so tired for the whole day
Was it due the exam or others?
This few days gastric was not quite ok
It seem like my old friend is comeing back to look for mi
I can feel the pain even I was sleeping
But I can only bare with pain as I do not wish to wake my aunt up
Hais
Sometime don even feel like eating...I just don know why
Told this to my aunt...and she told mi that maybe I was too stress
Recently too many things happened
I choose not being bother by those things yet I choose to faced it
Coz these is my family
I cant see my family end up in this way as that is my responsible
I just don knw why my friends don understand mi
Maybe different people have different opinion ba
So I will not blame them coz of this
♥our day is full of surprise
12:25:00 AM
Friday, October 8, 2010
Finally I had finished memorizing 2 compo
And I down with 3 compo
So tired
Something I really had two different thoughts
1.Wanted to finished my O level exam quickly and take a long rest
2.Wanted the time to stop in order to give mi more time to prepare
Human are so weird
Sometime they wanted things to come faster
At the time they wanted the time to stop due to fear
So there's no surprise if I'm thinking of this way
Coz it is a choice that I had chosen
and I need to have the responsible to face every consequence
It is similar to the world I had choose to stay
If I choose to stay in children world
Of coz all my mind set will be childish
But if I choose to stay in adult world
All my mind set will be mature
There's no point showing others who is our real self
Coz the more they know...the deeper the hurt will be
I had once show a guy my real self...and what I get was pain and suffer
Since that day onwards...I told myself that I must hid my real self deep in my heart
in order to prevent hurt
Coz there really no point to let ur true self out and yet hurt is what u will get
Anyway still had 16days more to Os
Hope I can do well this time
Jiayou Jiayou Jiayou
♥our day is full of surprise
1:02:00 AM
Monday, October 4, 2010
Tis morning had quite a long chat with JON
Thanks buddy for the support and encouragement...We talk about the time when we are VA with other buddies
It was fun and memorable that timeA place that:-gather us together-knowing each other-Have fun out in the field
-have dinner together with uncle place
-will not feel alone every time and everywhere
-look like family-share sad joy and happiness together
The time I in VA was fun and excitingIt was my first and memorable job that I had
In the office "OK ALRIGHT" was
what we used to say/shout whenever we are
"JUICE" was the HI-5 that we did whenever we see each other"JUICE BY THAT" was what we said when we agree with each other I will always remember what does JUICE means It meansJ oin
U s
I n
C reating
E xcitementI will always remember that time
The belief that I had ring every bell and hit every gong
And
Now I will apply that belief and 5 steps that I had learn for my exam
♥our day is full of surprise
1:04:00 PM
It was my first time that I doing revision with my brother
Haha
When my brother told mi that he want to do revision with mi...It really surprise mi
As he seldom study or doing revision...I think maybe is due to EOY
That why he study...
I was glad that he finally putting his effort for the finale exam...
Wake up at 7plus and headed to Civil at 8plus
Had our Mac breakfast and headed to library for our revision
Haha...
We studied for almost 6hours and head back for dinner
Finally I had finished memorized 1 compo
Now still down with 9 compo...
So JY JY JY...
Let show power of courage and century girl that I us to have in VA
OK!ALRIGHT!
♥our day is full of surprise
12:25:00 AM
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Everything was my fault
I purposely create a fight at home
Is these a joke tht God had given mi?
I should consider yesterday...
Yesterday is Children Day
Yet I spend my whole day getting scolded from everyone in the house
Actually I should blame them
Coz partly is my fault
I was in bad mood for the whole day
Thinking and missing someone else that are impt to mi
We should feel warm at Children Day
But I feel lonely...in fact I've been thinking if someone is by my side
I should feel a bit of warm
But that is impossible...
Since I don trust relationship...I should not have any hope in it
But the main thing is I'm scared of loneliness
I afraid of being alone at night...leaving myself in a dark room
Maybe that is the feeling that
I lock myself in a world that I have enter it before
And I should be getting use to it and take a full responsible of the decision I made
Just finish watch the last EP of Summer's Desire
Ever since I start watching this drama...my tears jsut flow out without any control
Same goes to the last EP
I cry non-stop while watching it...
In fact I can feel the pain in my heart...
A pain that I had faced before in Sec 2
But the different is I choose to run away the fact that my loved ones had leave mi alone in this world
I even think that Granny is by my side to lend mi her shoulder
But everything was a dream...
Once I wake up...I was alone in the living room watching Summer's Desire
Even I cry until my eyes were swollen...no one will even know...
Now I hope that tonight I can dream of my granny
Den I can cry out all the unhappiness...
To mi the word happiness was no longer appear in my dictionary
Coz I had lost the chance of being happy
and forget what the feeling was like...
♥our day is full of surprise
12:27:00 AM
Friday, October 1, 2010
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the star
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
How I wonder what you are
Every year Children Day...I will heard my granny sang this song to me
No matter how old I am...she will just sing it to mi on Children Day
Coz she said that she notice every yr de children day...the stars were so shiny and beautiful
But the main purpose is I enjoy hearing her voice and seeing the stars
But it's been a long time that I nv heard her voice
I should be happy coz I knew that her soul was always beside mi
But I'm no longer happy from today onwards unless the matter is solve
I think is the time to shut myself
Only these I can protect myself from getting hurt
Blogging is the only way to express my feeling
Coz no one will view this web
and even goy people veiw...that will be strangers
To many girls...relationship was a ways that can find their happiness
But to me...I don think so
I admin that I once believe there's true love in this world
But now no longer...after the Sentosa Trip...orchard and the missing person
If want to compare two person...tianhao was the one that really give mi a feeling
of a knife that that cut through my heart...
So even he sae that we can still be buddy...but he wont contact mi
All these just flash back to my mind even since I start watching Summer's Desire
The things that really attract mi about this drama were
-The story
-the character
-The main song
Evey time I watch...my tears will just flow down without mi notices
The story was touching but sad
The female actress was strong from outing but not inside
and these was train since she was young
How about mi?
If I cant change my ownself...will I able to change myself from the outside?
As for now...most impt things was my exam
Coz I need to fulfill the dream and hope that my parents had for mi
♥our day is full of surprise
12:19:00 AM
Score well for all my CAT papers